It's Just the Coffee Talking

About me

Name: Meritt

"Has anyone ever told you you're like Martha Stewart on steroids, or crack?"
- Rogue Squirrel

Coffee talk around the kitchen table every morning since 2004. Players in my blog include; me, Coffeehusband, and three kids; Kat(17), Coffeekid (15) and Bianca (12). (No those aren't their real names... the girls names are taken from the movie "10 Things I hate About You". They're fitting. LOL.)

5.15.2008

My Phone Would Be Ringing Off the Hook... You Know - If I Uh, Was Listed in the Phone Book

When you live in a small town there are certain things you have to accept. You have to accept that the whole town is either best friends or related to each other. You have to accept that whatever may or may not be going on in your life is going to be fodder for gossip... even if it's something as boring as your neighbor seeing you plant a new shrub on the West side of your house... I SWEAR to you that your neighbor will see you from their window and she'll mention it to her husband, who will tell the guy across the street. He is going to mention it to his coworker and she is going to tell her best friend, who is going to mention it to another parent as they wait in the Kindergarten Parent Line at school to pick up their kid at 3:00 and then you will run into that person the next night at a Pampered Chef party and when introduced to you they will say, "Oh! You live in the gray house over on 114th? You're the one that just planted a new rosebush on the West side of your house!?"

Uh, yeah... that would be me.

Seriously. It works like that in small towns.

So - we have about 6,000 in our town and believe it or not they all pretty much know each other, well, except for me. Cuz, remember, I don't really care for people too much so I don't mingle. (Truth is, I don't care for gossip too much, which is the popular past-time in small towns so again... I don't mingle.)

Coffeekid came over to me with a smirk on his face. It seems he and his friend were hanging out at the ice cream shop in town (Yes. Ice Cream parlor. Think Mayberry... that's where I live.) And it was PACKED with people. Literally packed. Everyone in town got a hankering for a twisty cone and was hanging out at the ice cream parlor and my son and his friend were waiting for two more friends to show up, but being bored, they walked across the street to the gas station where my son bought one of his current addictions; Shredded Beef Jerky.

They sell it in a can that looks exactly like chew. You know, tobacco - chew. Same size, style, etc.

So he buys his beef jerky and they cross the busy highway to walk back to the ice cream parlor. The one that is packed with about half of the cities residents. And my son (brilliant as he is *rolling my eyes*) twists the top off his beef jerky, takes a pinch and places it into his mouth - tucking it off to the side of his cheek. His best friend says, "Uh... dude? Check it out. Everyone is watching you. I mean... everyone."

Coffeekid sneaks a look out the side of his vision and sure enough - he said the tables and benches full of the parental units were gaping at him. He said the looks on their faces were very disapproving and shocked.

Crap.

You know every dang tongue was wagging all night long about Meritt's 15 year old son dipping chew in the parking lot of the ice cream parlor.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

You know what I told him? I said, "NEXT TIME you do something stupid like that, HOLD THE CONTAINER UP to the crowd, smile and say loudly; 'Dude! It's BEEF JERKY!!!'"

He laughed.

I told him I was sooooo not joking. Seriously.

Labels: coffeekid

9:11 PM

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Posted by Meritt @ 9:11 PM

Stumble It!

Then Again... Maybe I Won't

The paperwork for my 20 year high school reunion is sitting in the 'file pile' and has been for oh, 5 or 6 weeks now. I've glanced at it a couple times but I really don't know that I'm going. Part of me would like to - just to see the 4 or 5 people that I really might like to see. But the other part of me? Uh, not so much. I didn't have much in common with them 20 years ago and somehow I doubt we'll have much in common now.

Then again the visual of all the 'almost 40' year old cheerleaders sitting around discussing the best wrinkle cream or how to color the gray in their hair might be worth while... ya think?

Na.
Me neither.

Labels: Friends, school, Useless information

9:03 PM

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Posted by Meritt @ 9:03 PM

Stumble It!

WHY do I care??? But... I do. I admit it. I CARE about Angelina. There. I Said it.

Angelina has confirmed she is pregnant with TWINS.

And... I'm happy for her, and a little jealous both for being pregnant with twins and that Brad is the Daddy... (LOL). And WHY do I care? I don't know. But I do. She's just so darn cute I can't help it.

Labels: News, Useless information

9:24 AM

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Posted by Meritt @ 9:24 AM

Stumble It!

He might have a future career as art designer at Pl*yboy or another magazine....

Yesterdays email read;

"Dear Meritt,

For Personal Living Skills and Consumer Science Class Coffeekid has a Clothing Design Book due tomorrow and might need your help to finish this project. Thank You."

(Ok... it didn't read EXACTLY that, but close.)

Me: Coffeekid, what homework do you have tonight?
CK: Uh, just some Math.
Me: And?
CK: Hmmm. Uh, oh yeah! And some art. I have a critique to do and then a couple sketch book drawings to work on. They aren't due yet but I'll get a start.
Me: And?
CK: And?
Me: And!?
Me: (waiting)
Me: What about Consumer Science? Your clothing design book?
CK: Oh yeah! That too, but I'm almost done.
Me: No you're not. Your teacher emailed me today to say it is due tomorrow and that I may need to help you.
CK: HELP me? Why!? I'm almost done! I have all the pictures cut out already!!!! I cut them out in class! She saw me doing it! I only have to glue them on the right page and put the book together.

Later that evening, he lays out his work to prepare his design book.......

Me: CK!~ This book is supposed to be about clothing design.
CK: I know, it is.
Me: But none of your pictures have clothes on! They're all scantily clad females!
CK: They're swimsuits... that's clothes!
Me: Great... the book is on clothing design and none of your models are even wearing clothes. NOW I know why your teacher emailed me that I might want to 'help' a little. :P

In the end, we had fun and laughed a ton. I went online and found more options for "warm colors" "monochromatic" outfits and "trendy" to add to his half naked females and he happily gathered up all the rest of his half naked chicks and announced since they were 'left over' he would just make his own poster collage with them and hang it in his room.

Labels: coffeekid, school

6:02 AM

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Posted by Meritt @ 6:02 AM

Stumble It!

5.14.2008

The latest on the fake mutual fund....

I realized that I hadn't updated the 'mutual fund' that I was helping my FIL sort out and decided to do a quick recap on that little fiasco as well.

Some of you might remember already but I'll recap quickly... My FIL came to visit 2 weeks ago and while he was here mentioned to me that perhaps I could help with something. Oh boy.... Sure enough, it's a doozy but then again it always is with him. I swear he has "sucker" tattooed on his forehead.

"Well, back in 1990 I saw an ad in a magazine that AARP would open a mutual fund through Scudders Investments so I wrote a thousand dollar check out to AARP and sent it to them at their main address in the mail. You know, I never heard back from them. I know they cashed it though because I got the canceled check in the mail about a month later!"

And yes, after questioning further, it seems that my FIL really did mail off a check to AARP, 18 years ago and never questioned that they or Scudders never sent him his mutual fund information nor contacted him over the last (almost) two decades. But suddenly he says he wants to check on that mutual fund and see if it's worth anything today.

He wrote to the main regional office of the AARP about 10 months ago and never heard a word back from them and never attempted to contact them again as he was waiting for them to respond to his one letter.

Well, let's speed this up a little, shall we? So I emailed AARP last week with a quick explanation and about 4 or 5 days later I got a response saying AARP had cut ties with Scudders in 2005 and all accounts that were opened before 1/1/06 have to go through Scudders; and she gave me their contact info.

SO! I had a mailing address and phone number to pass on to my FIL but I'm not sure he's going to get anywhere. I mean... really! He wrote a check out for $1,000 to AARP and sent it to them out of the blue! They cashed it and probably put it into their general fund! I mean, seriously, who wouldn't call after a month when they didn't get any mutual fund paperwork in the mail!? And to wait 17 years believing you have a mutual fund that doesn't even exist? Oh gracious.

But... we'll see. I can only do 'so much' to help with privacy laws and legalities being what they are but also - my FIL is not feeble minded and is completely coherent so legally he is on his own to work this out (except if we do the three way calling thing... which isn't needed quite yet).

Anyway - so this fake mutual fund he thinks he has, at least I got the Scudders info for him. I'll let you know if they take pity on him and give him back his thousand bucks after almost 2 decades.

7:36 PM

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Posted by Meritt @ 7:36 PM

Stumble It!

Still Helping my Fil with everything from that fake mutual fund to cellphones

Of the many things I'm trying to help my 80 year old FIL with, I've managed to tackle a couple of them and I'm working on a couple more. Tonight I've been working on the cell phone issue. I actually didn't know that my FIL even had a cellphone until he was here visiting two weeks ago. He said something about having his cellphone with him and I said, "What? You have a cell phone? Why didn't you give us your number!?" and he replied, "Because I can't use the darn thing!" When pressed further he explained, "Well, whenever I call someone I always get someone else." "I tried to call your husband last week and I ended up calling my neighbor, Gary! So I apologized and tried again and it called Gary again! My phone just calls whomever it wants!"

I asked him if he was using the phone book option on the phone and perhaps it's programmed wrong? He said it doesn't matter if he uses the phone book option or if he dials the numbers himself, it has never called the person it was supposed to and instead keeps calling his neighbor.

I suspect it's him or something he's done... but at this point I asked him why he doesn't take it back and get a new phone. He said he has to go to Radio Shack once a month to have the minutes 'recharged' and every time he's gone in for the last 3 months he's told them the phone doesn't work, and they nod and smile, recharge his new minutes, roll over his old minutes and send him out the door again.

At this point, I decided to step in and help. Today I went through a envelope of special offers that came in the postal mail and I saw an ad for Jitterbug. I've just spent about 20 minutes on their website and I've found not only do they have simple phones with large buttons, screens and other conveniences for seniors, but their testimonies speak highly of their customer service reps that sound as if they are excellent in helping set up the phones for the customers or helping them with anything managing their bills to dialing the numbers for them (believe me, my FIL will need help with all of those and more!)

The thing that may be perfect for my FIL is they offer emergency only plans that start at $10 or low minute plans for $15 and $20. Perfect for the senior that wants no bells or whistles, doesn't want to use the phone for much more than an emergency service or just wants to check in with family once in a while.

I'm even considering buying the $120 a year plan and 1,000 minutes that are good for the entire year and at least I'll know that he has a phone, service and minutes for at least one year before I have to go through this head ache again. LOL.

7:03 PM

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Posted by Meritt @ 7:03 PM

Stumble It!

A Smoothie I Wouldn't Want to Drink

You all know I haven't watched television since 1998 so there are things I completely miss or don't hear about at all (not that I mind, mostly) and much of it is on the internet anyway so between articles and videos of the episodes on tv, I see and hear pretty much everything in my own time and my own terms. So I'm a little slow when it comes to hearing about "Ten Superfoods" (apparently this was featured on Oprah) and looking ten years younger by eating them. They are listed as; barley, acai, cayenne pepper, buckwheat, flaxseed, alfalfa, lactobacillus acidophilus, soybeans, garlic and wheatgrass. Which, I've also found now come in pill or liquid form called Orovo. Probably a good thing since, even with my culinary background I can't for the life of me think of what kind of meals or smoothies I'd have to make and eat every single day of my life to incorporate all those superfoods into my daily diet. LOL.

9:28 AM

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Posted by Meritt @ 9:28 AM

Stumble It!