When you live in a small town there are certain things you have to accept. You have to accept that the whole town is either best friends or related to each other. You have to accept that whatever may or may not be going on in your life is going to be fodder for gossip... even if it's something as boring as your neighbor seeing you plant a new shrub on the West side of your house... I SWEAR to you that your neighbor will see you from their window and she'll mention it to her husband, who will tell the guy across the street. He is going to mention it to his coworker and she is going to tell her best friend, who is going to mention it to another parent as they wait in the Kindergarten Parent Line at school to pick up their kid at 3:00 and then you will run into that person the next night at a Pampered Chef party and when introduced to you they will say, "Oh! You live in the gray house over on 114th? You're the one that just planted a new rosebush on the West side of your house!?"

Uh, yeah... that would be me.

Seriously. It works like that in small towns.

So - we have about 6,000 in our town and believe it or not they all pretty much know each other, well, except for me. Cuz, remember, I don't really care for people too much so I don't mingle. (Truth is, I don't care for gossip too much, which is the popular past-time in small towns so again... I don't mingle.)

Coffeekid came over to me with a smirk on his face. It seems he and his friend were hanging out at the ice cream shop in town (Yes. Ice Cream parlor. Think Mayberry... that's where I live.) And it was PACKED with people. Literally packed. Everyone in town got a hankering for a twisty cone and was hanging out at the ice cream parlor and my son and his friend were waiting for two more friends to show up, but being bored, they walked across the street to the gas station where my son bought one of his current addictions; Shredded Beef Jerky.

They sell it in a can that looks exactly like chew. You know, tobacco - chew. Same size, style, etc.

So he buys his beef jerky and they cross the busy highway to walk back to the ice cream parlor. The one that is packed with about half of the cities residents. And my son (brilliant as he is *rolling my eyes*) twists the top off his beef jerky, takes a pinch and places it into his mouth - tucking it off to the side of his cheek. His best friend says, "Uh... dude? Check it out. Everyone is watching you. I mean... everyone."

Coffeekid sneaks a look out the side of his vision and sure enough - he said the tables and benches full of the parental units were gaping at him. He said the looks on their faces were very disapproving and shocked.

Crap.

You know every dang tongue was wagging all night long about Meritt's 15 year old son dipping chew in the parking lot of the ice cream parlor.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

You know what I told him? I said, "NEXT TIME you do something stupid like that, HOLD THE CONTAINER UP to the crowd, smile and say loudly; 'Dude! It's BEEF JERKY!!!'"

He laughed.

I told him I was sooooo not joking. Seriously.

Labels: coffeekid