Pondering over Coffee: The abortion debate - and the difference between the UDDA on when a human is declared 'dead' verses when a baby is declared 'alive'

When New York passed the law making it OK to kill a baby right up until it would naturally be born - and even letting it die if it happened to survive the abortion, it bothered me and I found myself pondering a lot of different things over my morning coffee.  When more states started to argue the same 'law', I watched, read, and pondered over morning coffee.  Then a couple states declared a heartbeat law - if the baby has a heartbeat, it's alive and you cannot kill it by abortion.  The fight over 'when' a child is able to legally be killed while still protected in its mother's womb goes on....

And it was during the morning I was reading a couple of those news articles that I clicked on another story that dealt with doctor's declaring someone 'dead' or 'alive' and when they make the call to do everything in their power  to keep them alive, based on a few of the medical 'tests' they do.

This could be a really, really long post.  SO much to this topic!  But, this is supposed to be a quick, 'rambling over coffee' entry.  Not a dissertation or a novel. 

So I looked at the uniform declaration of death.  There is actually an act drafted in 1981 by a Presidential commission so everyone could get on board with the same 'rules' as to what constitutes a person being legally declared dead.  It's a model states could use and emulate.

UDDA Overview

The Uniform Declaration of Death Act was drafted in 1981 by a President's Commission study on brain death. It was approved by both the American Medical Association (AMA) and the American Bar Association (ABA) shortly after its publication. Health care is primarily handled on a state-by-state basis, so the intent of the Act was to provide a model for states to emulate.
 The UDDA offers two definitions for when an individual may legally be declared dead:
  1. Irreversible cessation of circulatory and respiratory functions; or
  2. Irreversible cessation of all functions of the entire brain, including the brain stem.
The most common type of death is the first one, in which the heart has stopped beating and/or the patient is no longer breathing (usually followed by brain death). But sometimes (as in the second definition), an individual may be kept "alive" through the use of ventilators and feeding tubes even though there is zero brain activity. Most states consider brain dead individuals legally dead and remove them from life support, although the body's other life functions may be maintained until organs are harvested for donation.

Well... that got me thinking about those two definitions.

Because babies have working circulatory and respiratory functions in utero.
And babies have working functions of the brain, including the brain stem.

So... doesn't that mean that unborn babies should by law be declared 'alive'?


Then I did a quick search of baby development stages.

Week 21: Baby can suck his or her thumb
Week 25: Baby responds to your voice
Week 26: Baby's lungs develop
Week 26: Baby's lungs develop

Twenty-six weeks into your pregnancy, or 24 weeks after conception, your baby's lungs are beginning to produce surfactant, the substance that allows the air sacs in the lungs to inflate — and keeps them from collapsing and sticking together when they deflate.
This week marks the end of the second trimester. At 27 weeks, or 25 weeks after conception, your baby's nervous system is continuing to mature.

Week 28: Baby's eyes partially open

Twenty-eight weeks into your pregnancy, or 26 weeks after conception, your baby's eyelids can partially open and eyelashes have formed. The central nervous system can direct rhythmic breathing movements and control body temperature.

Week 32: Baby practices breathing

Week 33: Baby detects light

Fetal development 31 weeks after conception

Thirty-three weeks into your pregnancy, or 31 weeks after conception, your baby's pupils can change size in response to a stimulus caused by light.


Seems to me it's pretty black and white.
The same rules that legally declare someone alive and it's murder to let them die or not offer medical care, certainly aren't applying to the smaller sized human who has those same functions but is allowed to be killed with a scissor snip to the back of their neck, with saline injected into their body and to have their little arms, legs and head ripped violently from their body in an abortion.

Can you just picture someone on a hospital bed on a ventilator; being examined by doctors; they shine a light in their eyes to see if the pupils react (they do) and the patients heart is beating.  But the doctors declare them ok to kill anyway?  So they get a large pair of sharp scissors and snip the back of the patients neck to severe their spinal cord or inject the patient with a saline solution to kill them.  And because they can, just grab a saw and saw through the body's arms and legs and rip them off - tossing them aside into a body bag laying there on the floor.

All done.  Nurse, clean up this mess. I'm going home to have a beer.

It's just the coffee talking..............



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This unique and modern mug is a must-have for camera lovers. It’s the only novelty camera lens mug in the market that opens at the push of a button (other mugs require you to unscrew the cap). This feature lets you use the mug one-handed, making it the perfect travel companion for photography enthusiasts.

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It’s one of the best gifts under 30 dollars.

Nikon 24-70mm Inspired Camera Lens Coffee Mug

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You might also be interested in similar products available through Amazon;

Camera Lens Coffee Mug

Lens Cup with Stainless Steel Insulated Tumbler

Camera Lens Coffee Mug Gift With Lid


A woman is making news headlines for faking cancer to save her marriage; but I know of someone who did the same thing (it didn't make the news)

When I read the news story about a North Carolina woman faking cancer to save her marriage, I completely understood, as I know someone (not personally, but I'll get to that in a moment) who did the same thing.  It makes me wonder how many times this ploy is used across the world that never makes the news.

Here is a little blurb from the original story:

A woman has admitted to having profited from a lie that she had cancer, in a scheme to save her troubled marriage.

Amy Ellissa Hammer of Seagrove, North Carolina, was arrested Thursday when a police investigation found that she had pretended to suffer from Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, cancer that grows from the bone marrow.

Hammer, 30, established a Facebook page called Amy’s Promise to accept donations for alleged healthcare costs. She also sold T-shirts. After Hammer’s arrest, a Mar. 23rd fundraiser at the Trinity Wesleyan Church of Seagrove was canceled.

“I do not have cancer,” Hammer told Fox 8, explaining that she lied to keep her marriage intact. “When he said he was going to leave me, it was an impulsive thing. We’ve been together so long, I was scared, terrified. That’s my three kids, my husband that I’ve known for so long. So it was an impulsive thing and it snowballed.”

“I have to deal with what I’ve done and that I hate myself,” Hammer said. “But I am sorry, I have to live with this. What I have done has hurt a lot of people, a lot.”

Coffee Talk:   A few years ago I worked in the same building as a young woman I became 'work friendly' with enough to chat with if we both happened to be in the same part of the building at the same time, although we weren't really friends.  She was a young mother of one child, divorced, and single.  She started to have an affair with a married man who also worked in the same building.  He was not only married but had a couple small children at the time, including a little newborn.

As time went on and more people in the work place knew about their relationship, they got sloppier at hiding it.  She also was free with details in talking to many co-workers so word spread quickly.  After a few months of being together, she got pregnant with his child.

As he was straddling the fence so to speak, he was still with his wife, but still seeing this other woman, his mistress got pregnant; his wife found out about the affair and was devastated.  The mistress wanted him to leave his wife and marry her, and worked very, very hard to convince him how happy he would be if he did.  She then started to push for them to live together.  He and she went ahead and bought a house together in her second trimester, although he was still spending time at his 'house' as well so to not disrupt his children's lives too much.

In the meantime his wife was obviously hurting.  She was sick with stress and started to get headaches.  They got bad enough that she went to the doctor to see about pain relief for them.  And that is when her plan was hatched.  When she went to the doctor, her husband wanted to know what the doctor said.  He showed an interest in her and was worried about her.

She started to tell him little lies about more doctor's appointments.  That led to her 'headaches' needing to be investigated further.  Tests and scans...  which he grew increasingly more concerned for her.  He spent a little more time at home instead of the girlfriends house, helped with the kids and showed compassion and attention to his wife.  As the girlfriends due date got closer, her headaches turned into an announcement of cancer.

The wife had fake doctor's appointments and scans and started to supposedly go through treatments... all faked because she was trying desperately to win her husband back.  Soon the girlfriends baby was born. 

Not long after the baby came, the wife had come to the point in her lies where she couldn't hide it any longer as it was a small community and as word got out about her having 'cancer' helpful people were coming out of the woodwork at her church, her neighborhood, her workplace... asking about fund raisers and helping with her children and of course, she would have to soon start faking chemo treatments...

The truth came out.

But... the wife that faked brain cancer to save her marriage?
It actually worked.  At least it did at the time - I live thousands of miles away from that area now so I don't know whatever came of that story.

It never made the local news... but yes, I knew of a woman who also faked cancer to save her marriage.

It's just the coffee talking again.........

News Source:  https://myfox8.com/2019/03/21/woman-accused-of-faking-cancer-to-get-money-through-fundraisers-in-randolph-county/


One Minute History: Aldi's Supermarket - founded in 1913

SOURCE: https://news.sky.com/story/how-beyond-the-grave-cash-row-could-seal-aldi-reunification-11683203


Tonight I was looking over random news stories and this one caught my eye, although not for the actual story itself.

It's about the supermarket giant Aldi's and Sky's Ian King explains how Aldi could solve several issues by reversing its 1960 split through a possible buyout.  But... I really don't have any interest in that.  What I DO have an interest in is history of almost any kind.  And although I know of Aldi's, I had no idea of it's history.  Now I do.

Aldi was founded in 1913 in Essen, in the industrial and mining heartlands of the Ruhr in northwestern Germany, by Anna Albrecht. In 1948 in the ruins of post-war Germany, her two sons Karl and Theo took over the running of the business.

The pair eventually fell out over whether Aldi - the name comes from an abbreviation of the words 'Albrecht Diskont (Discount)' - should sell cigarettes, with Karl arguing against on the grounds that it would attract shoplifters.

The upshot was that the business was split in half in 1960. Karl and his family took control of Aldi Sud, the arm of the business operating in southern Germany, the UK, Australia and Ireland and which trades under the Aldi name in the US.

Theo and his family took control of Aldi Nord, the part of the business that operates in northern Germany, Belgium, the Netherlands, France and Spain and which also runs the Trader Joe's chain in the US.


THAT was the "one minute history" of Aldi's I was interested in. 

I glanced through the rest, to see there was fighting over running the company and the extravagant lifestyle of some of the family members that own Aldi's and it's subsidiaries.  I wasn't paying too much attention until I ran into another little interesting tidbit half way down.  

Both Karl and Theo, who were brought up in poverty after their father - a miner - was forced to retire due to emphysema, were notoriously frugal.

That showed itself in the way both arms of Aldi operate to this day, with no flashy displays and customers picking products out of boxes, while the brothers themselves lived simple lives and eschewed the trappings of wealth.

Theo, in particular, preferred to live a secretive life after he was kidnapped at gunpoint in 1971. A devout Catholic who attended mass every Sunday, he avoided being photographed, while taking a different route to work each day in an armoured car.


As I said, the story wasn't about the history, it was actually about the fighting of the two families, and the extravagant lifestyle of "Babette" and the reading of a will recently and well... a whole lot more.

It gets into the dirty laundry of the family that I really had no personal interest in but IF my readers are interested, you can read the whole article at Sky.  Link at the top and the bottom of this post.

Babette, it has been reported, subsequently refused to disclose to them the location of the urn containing Berthold's remains. In response, neither Babette nor her children were allowed to attend Cilly's funeral last year.

Babette's public profile could not be more different from that of her late mother and father-in-law. She flaunts her wealth regularly at society events where her wealth is shown off ostentatiously, while she has also appeared on Let's Dance, the German equivalent of Strictly Come Dancing.

She also fought a high-profile court case some years ago after a former friend, Dorothee Achenbach, wrote a novel called Now Everyone Knows My Laundry in which, Babette claimed, the main character - a greedy individual who indulged in an extra-marital affair - was based on her.

To read the article please visit: https://news.sky.com/story/how-beyond-the-grave-cash-row-could-seal-aldi-reunification-11683203


No, LDS Mormons are absolutely NOT Christians. It's a cult started in 1830 and follows 'prophets' better known as profits

The information is out there, and with the help of the plethora of books and internet available today you can study yourself out of the cult of Mormonism by learning the truth.

If these posts help someone, anyone, even one person out of the cult... then it's all worth it. 

"I believe in honesty. I believe in transparency. I believe that investigators and members deserve to have all of the information on the table to be able to make a fully informed decision as to what the information means to them and how they would like to proceed with it. Anything short of this is an obstruction to the free agency of the investigator and member."   

 -Jeremy Runnells

Mormons are the only 'religion' (cough cough) to absolutely BAN their members from learning their own true history. They use a brain washing tactic of repeating from the beginning that if you read or hear anything that scares you into thinking it MIGHT say anything bad about Mormonism or the LDS, then you have hurry and close the internet browser, toss the book, shut down the person talking and walk away! It's called "anti" and they are scared to death of their members learning the truth.

Every other honest religion will tell you study. Take your time and study, learn, research... and NOT only church-approved sources. That's ridiculous! But it's what Mormons are taught. If it's not LDS sanctioned, they aren't to look at it, read it, hear it, or listen.

Up until about 10 years ago LDS Mormons were NOT ALLOWED TO CALL THEMSELVES CHRISTIANS. Young Mormons these days are told to call themselves Christians... trying to win over to new converts. But the belief system is absolutely different from even the BASIC belief system of Christianity. Sadly, most Mormons don't even know this... because they are not allowed to learn it.

SO many resources out there to gain knowledge. The CES letter is very well known. And for good reason.

CES Letter is one Latter-Day Saint's honest quest to get official answers from the LDS Church on its troubling origins, history, and practices. 

Jeremy Runnells was offered an opportunity to discuss his own doubts with a director of the Church Educational System (CES) and was assured that his doubts could be resolved. After reading Jeremy's letter, the director promised him a response.

No response ever came.


LINK: https://cesletter.org/
PDF Download to read: https://cesletter.org/CES-Letter.pdf

NO the author of the CES letter is not 'anti' Mormon.
Jeremy's own words: No. I reject this vague, loaded, and Orwellian term. It's used by the LDS Church and programmed into its members to turn off exposure to "the rest of the story" that the Church does not want its members to know. It's a "turn it off" switch that also kills off critical thinking in members relating to the LDS Church's truth crisis.

The reality is that I’m not “anti-Mormon.” I’m happily married to a Mormon, for Zeus' sake. I’m not anti-her or anti-anyone of my Mormon family and friends. I have no problem whatsoever with the Mormon people. These people are not LDS, Inc. and LDS, Inc. are not these people. If I’m “anti” anything, I’m anti-LDS-Inc.-hiding-and-obfuscating-its-truth-crisis-from-investigators-and-tithe-paying-members-who-deserve-to-know-all-of-the-disturbing-information. Whew…that was a mouthful. Also, I’m anti-Justin-Bieber.
Critic? Fine. Anti-Mormon? No.

The CES Letter has been debunked.
No, it hasn't.
Several apologists and organizations have attempted to debunk it and failed.

Jeremy is the leader of the "anti-Mormon religion".
No. I have a hard enough time being the leader of Jeremy Runnells and his life. I was accused by a General Authority of being the "leader of the anti-Mormon religion," which I find absolutely hysterical. The truth is that the movement - if you can call it that as it's not organized - has no leader. Nor should it have any leader.

As I tell folks who might see me as a leader: "Stop following others. Lead yourselves. Never give away your own power and authority."

Jeremy was excommunicated from the LDS Church.
No, I was not excommunicated. I resigned my membership.
Anyone who makes this claim is either misinformed or lying. I submitted my resignation during my Kangaroo Court in April 2016.

Jeremy's only goal is to get people to leave the Church.
No. My goal is not to get people to leave the Church. I have no idea what's best for people and their own lives. I don't presume to know what's best for people and their own lives.

Some people decide to leave the Church. Some people decide to stay in the Church. Both decisions can be just as valid.

My goal was to get official answers to the LDS Church's truth crisis back when I was trying to restore my testimony. I achieved my goal in a different way than I expected: the LDS Church has no answers to its truth crisis and will attempt to punish those who openly ask the questions it does not like being asked.

I believe in honesty. I believe in transparency. I believe that investigators and members deserve to have all of the information on the table to be able to make a fully informed decision as to what the information means to them and how they would like to proceed with it. Anything short of this is an obstruction to the free agency of the investigator and member.

PDF Source: https://cesletter.org/CES-Letter.pdf

Because it might help someone out there in the Mormon cult... if it only helps one, then it's worth it

SOURCE:  Why I left the Mormon Church to follow Jesus - https://www.premierchristianity.com/Past-Issues/2015/August-2015/The-Christian-Why-I-left-the-Mormon-Church-to-follow-Jesus
Keep your mind open. Don't shut it down. Search. Look for answers. Look for proof. If you truly believe in the prophet Joseph Smith, then what do you have to lose?  

The Christian: Why I left the Mormon Church to follow Jesus

Lynn K Wilder served in the Mormon Temple and as an LDS professor in Utah. She explains what convinced her to leave.

During my 30 years as a Mormon, I sincerely believed that mystical ‘spiritual experiences’ aligned me with my heavenly Father, Jesus and the Holy Ghost (I believed in three separate gods, but no Trinity) in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS).

When a patriarch laid his hands on my head to give me a blessing, complete with Jewish lineage, I felt something like electricity course through my body. I was frequently overcome with emotion serving as an ordinance worker in the Chicago Temple or as a professor at the Church’s leading education institute, Brigham Young University. I bore testimony that Joseph Smith restored ‘the only true and living Church’.

Sincerely, I trusted feelings that flowed from these experiences, not aware that they might be counterfeit; rooted in what the Bible calls ‘another Jesus’ who teaches ‘another gospel’. Today, I neither trust feelings alone nor the sought-after visitations of spirits in the temple as fitting measures to test truth. One must also engage the brain and read the Bible.


While he was a Mormon missionary, our third son, Micah, read the Bible several times, eventually challenging his Mormon family to do the same. Like cold water in my face, I was stunned to find profound doctrinal conflicts between the Bible and the LDS scriptures.

As a Mormon, I believed the Bible was missing precious truths revealed in our own faith, but I wanted to look at it for myself to decide. As soon as I read it, I recognized obvious doctrinal conflicts, and I reasoned: ‘If they teach different terms of salvation, they can’t be the same Jesus.’

The Bible clearly teaches that salvation is a free gift. One crosses from death to life instantly upon believing in the one who paid for my sins on the cross. There was no waiting until the end of my life to see if I had done enough. No Mormon temple works – whose signs, tokens and handshakes are actually Masonic – are required for eternal life.


Jesus himself said: ‘One greater than the temple is here’ (Matthew 12:6, ASV). Which Jesus was I to believe?


The Mormon Jesus and the biblical Jesus teach a different nature of Christ and, at the very crux of Christianity, they teach different ways to salvation. Even LDS prophet Gordon B Hinckley said: ‘The traditional Christ of whom they speak is not the Christ of whom I speak.’

According to LDS teaching, the Mormon Jesus was born as the first spirit child of a probable heavenly mother and heavenly father. This Jesus is a created being. He was not a god initially but earned his way to deity over time. The second spirit child was Lucifer. Both brothers presented their plans to the Council of the Gods for the future salvation of those on earth. Jesus’ plan was accepted, while Lucifer took a third of the host of heaven and was cast down. Then came the rest of us. Men might one day earn godhood. Women bear spirit children throughout the eternities as queens and priestesses to their husbands.

None of this matches the biblical account, where Jesus is God and Lucifer is a fallen angel. Indeed, the greatest lie Satan fed us in the garden was that we could be ‘like God’, yet this is what Mormons believe.

There are other important ways in which Mormon teaching does not match biblical teaching on Christ’s atonement, but most significantly the Mormon Jesus teaches that membership in the LDS Church is required for eternal life. According to the Bible, his Church is a body of believers. No organization can save.


So, has the Mormon Church rescinded its most pernicious doctrines? Not really. According to LDS scripture, polygamy is an eternal principle and dark skin is a curse. Although many do not know or accept these teachings, they are still presented in their scriptures, in official Church manuals and in the sacred temple. The official Church website portrays these books of Mormon scripture as ‘pure truth’ and ‘utterly reliable’.
Although polygamy is no longer practiced physically in this life, if a first wife to whom a man is ‘sealed’ (in marriage for this life and the next in the temple) dies and he is sealed to a second, he expects to be married to both women in the hereafter.

In 1978, LDS prophet Spencer W Kimball reported a revelation from God. Blacks could hold the priesthood. All who were worthy could now enter the temple, be sealed as families in the next life and receive eternal life with the Father. The admission that all (males) are equal in God’s sight mirrors Bible teaching; however, the teaching that dark skin is a curse still exists in 26 Mormon scriptures. Was Joseph Smith incorrect when he wrote them down as revelations from the Mormon Jesus?

Many anticipate that the LDS Church is morphing toward biblical Christianity. Nevertheless, as long as Mormonism reveres Joseph Smith as a prophet, teaches that Christ failed to establish a Church that would last but Smith did, and supports his extra-biblical scriptures as truth, these teachings are far outside mainstream Christianity. Doctrines such as the nature of God, who Jesus is, the condition of humankind, the creation, salvation, atonement, marriage and eternal life are just a few of the divergent teachings.

Mormons often sound the same as Christians, but since barely one religious word actually means the same between the faiths, always ask a Mormon, ‘What do you mean by that?’

Mormons say they believe in Jesus. Some have even encountered him. Only Jesus can judge the heart, but given that LDS teachings contradict Bible teachings, one has to ask which Jesus?

Although it came at a cost, my whole family and I ended up leaving Mormonism in order to follow the real saviour.

Four facts about Mormonism

1. There are more than 15 million Mormons in the world today, including approximately 190,000 in the UK
2. The LDS Church is governed by a ‘prophet’, in a line going back to its founder, Joseph Smith
3. As well as the Bible, Mormons revere three books of teaching and scripture: The Book of Mormon, The Pearl of Great Price and the Doctrines and Covenants
4. Mormons believe that they can be baptized on behalf of dead relatives in order to bring them to salvation

Lynn K Wilder is author of Unveiling Grace: The Story of How We Found Our Way Out of the Mormon Church (Zondervan) and is co-founder of Ex-Mormon Christians United for Jesus; unveilingmormonism.com


18 Coffee Themed e-Cards, Meme's and Sayings....

If you follow me on Twitter, you've probably seen me use these. Just some random coffee themed meme's or ecards, etc. I found on the internet through a random search; and smirked, smiled, laughed or just liked.

You might also be interested in these funny coffee themed items available through Amazon - or thousands more - start your search by clicking on any link below;



Just because it's a mixture of two of my loves: Music and History (We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel)

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio
Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H-bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, "The King and I" and "The Catcher in the Rye"
Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc
Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu falls, "Rock Around the Clock"

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland
Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Krushchev
Princess Grace, "Peyton Place", trouble in the Suez

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, "Bridge on the River Kwai"
Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California baseball
Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide

Buddy Holly, "Ben Hur", space monkey, Mafia
Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go
U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, "Psycho", Belgians in the Congo

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Hemingway, Eichmann, "Stranger in a Strange Land"
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion
"Lawrence of Arabia", British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson
Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British politician sex
JFK, blown away, what else do I have to say

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

"Wheel of Fortune", Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Songwriter: Billy Joel
We Didn’t Start the Fire lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

We Didn't Start the Fire


Rambling over Coffee: Finding each other again after 30 years - childhood sweethearts

Last night, just before bed, I had an email from an old childhood friend.  It had one word in the subject line and no text at all; just a photo.  It was my friend with her hand over her mouth, caught between laughing and crying as her boyfriend, in a suit coat and dress pants, was down on one knee with a ring box in his hand.

"Engaged" was the subject line.

And I got a couple little happy tears in my eyes.  

Once upon a time, in a little town far, far away...  there were two teenage girls that met the summer after eighth grade and became fast friends.  When the new school year started they shared a locker, were lucky enough to get the same gym class slot, and cemented a friendship that has lasted through 30 years.

I'm not sure we've seen each other more than two or three times in the past 25 years; as relocations have taken us all over the country and we are usually about 1100 miles away from each other at any given time. But the friendship was still there.  Even if we were both so incredibly busy with our jobs, marriages, raising teenagers and had absolutely insane schedules, there was a Christmas card in the mail and an email every now and then....

But then, a couple years ago, she suddenly went silent.


During a solo cross-country trip the summer before last, I was back in my little hometown, where I knew my friend and her husband had relocated to a few years earlier.

I knew their address, so I decided to pop in and surprise them.

As I parked in the driveway I was confused for a second as I saw a toddler's playset in the back yard.  All their kids were 17-23 years old.  Too old for kids toys, my friend was a critical care nurse and didn't do daycare in her home.  They didn't have any grandkids (that I knew of) but I went to the door anyway.

I knocked.
And knocked.
Just as I was leaving a young man came to the door that I didn't recognize.
I explained I was from out of town and looking for my friends - did they still live here?


This man had moved in about 3 months earlier.
I asked if he knew if my friends still lived in town? (It's a TINY TOWN so yes, he would know.)  Did the husband still work at XYZ and the wife still work at ABC?

He had a very strange look on his face.  He said yes, he believed the husband still worked at XYZ.  He didn't know about the wife... and he just kind of trailed off.

But ok!  I thanked him and left.
That evening I was to meet up with an old friend from high school who still lives in the area that I hadn't seen in more years than I even remembered.
About an hour into the "whatever happened to...."  discussion, I mentioned I had stopped by our old friends house but apparently they don't live there anymore.

Her eyes got big.
Her mouth opened wide, closed and she smiled.
"You didn't hear about that!?"

Because I don't have a Facebook account, I miss out on all the gossip of friends and family.  I like it that way actually.  So apparently I missed out on a real soap opera played out in public in a small town.

The storyline was pretty typical of married man and married woman flirt, cross some lines and then make it a long term line-crossing relationship.  Both had spouses and kids.  One was in a very trusted, public career.  Crazy enough, a lot of people seemed to know about it.  You can't hide anything for long in a small town.

But although all these people knew about it... no one told his wife.

And when she finally found out about it, it almost killed her.  She had NO idea.

And when the hurt and shock turned to anger she took to Facebook.  She ripped that little town and their secrets to shreds, she called out those who chose to cover it up rather than let her know what was going on.  She blasted with both guns and took no prisoners.  Laid it all out there.

And then... went silent.

The fallout was separation, moving out, fighting, relocation, divorce... it was ugly and messy.

She cut off everyone and everything from that little town.  Immersed herself in a new job, new location.

Her silence was her healing.

And during that healing time she started chatting with an old friend on Facebook. Someone from our 8th and 9th grade high school days when we were the bestest of friends.

As a matter of fact, it was guy and not just a guy, but a guy she dated back then, the summer after 8th grade.

And I was with her the day he asked her to go out with him and she didn't walk on the ground the rest of the day.  She floated.  The blissful smile on her face, her feet never touched the ground.

They dated for awhile, but we were young, teens and... life.

So soon they broke up and she dated a couple other people and then she dated the guy she would go on to marry, and divorce.

And before long the chatting with an old friend on Facebook, turned to friendship.  Friendship turned to dating.

And time heals wounds.

She was healed.  Her heart and soul had gotten through the grief and she was gloriously happy for the first time in almost three years.

We've been in touch again over the past 2 years and it's been great to have that dear friend back.  We've not seen each other yet as we are again, 1100 miles away from each other and her job, kids, life is there.  Mine is just as busy here. But old childhood friends are gold.  If she actually needed anything or asked me to, I'd drop everything in a heartbeat to get to her.   

And last night, when I saw my friend laughing, caught in the moment of the proposal, my heart puffed up, happy tears came to my eyes.

That boy that asked her out the summer before ninth grade and made her float 10 feet off the ground with happiness... was again making her laugh, float with happiness, and asking her to be his wife, 30+ years later.

It finds a way.

Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One


Should there be an ordinance specifying you must tell your adult siblings before you divorce?

After living all over the country, sometimes up to 2000 miles from family, we happened to be living in the Northern Mid-west and both of my husbands sisters happened to be living in the next state.  Close enough we we joked about living 'near' each other again but not so close that we actually got to see each other unless we all ended up at my father-in-laws home at the same time for his birthday or other random time of the year.  We typically got to see each other about once, maybe twice a year.

When we met at the father-in-laws for his birthday, it was a grand old weekend except one of our brother-in-laws couldn't make it.  At the time he had picked up a 'second job' and was working weekends and he couldn't get off.  My husband was especially bummed because he really liked his brother-in-law... he joked he even liked him more than his liked his sister!  He is a great guy.  We missed seeing him.  Another get together and brother-in-law was working.  Time passed.

It was October and we decided since we hadn't seen family in a while we'd invite my husbands side up for Thanksgiving.  I even decided to send out cute Thanksgiving 'invitations' to everyone to make it official.  The invites were mailed out and... we got a letter.

Strange!  Why would your sister write?

"This is a bit awkward, and we weren't really ready to tell anyone yet, but your Thanksgiving invitation brought it to a head..."  "We've been living apart and we are getting a divorce....."


That brother-in-law we'd loved for 15 years?

We lost him in the divorce.

And we didn't even get to say good-bye.

Time went on and that sister-in-law married again.  This new husband was about 7 years her junior and happened to be my age, which gave us a few things in common.  He was awesome!  This guy was funny and sweet and easy to talk to.  Again, Mr. Coffee and I just loved him!  And again... my husband joked he liked him even more than his own sister!  (Joking!  But... you know, kinda real.  We really loved this guy!)

We did a couple more moves cross country and they did one move themselves.  We were about 9 hours away from each other, which was closer than we had been in years!  Yay!  Let's get together!  So once a year we'd all get together at our home for a long weekend of hanging out, drinking, eating, laughing, and doing nothing but hanging out on the deck and the patio and having a great time.

And then suddenly, one day... poof!

The email came.

"We're getting a divorce....."

And dangit!  We didn't even get to say goodbye again!  

It's like having a good friend suddenly move away and you never got to say goodbye. Or maybe even like they died without you getting to see them one last time.

There honestly IS some grieving that goes on there!  It took us about two years to 'get over' losing that brother-in-law.  Even now, a few years later, when his name comes up, there is a pause in the conversation and someone will say, "I miss that guy.  He was a great guy."

It's too bad there isn't a rule (I don't want to say law because dang, our country has WAY TOO MANY FREAKIN' LAWS - we LOVE to make new laws don't we?) but you know... a rule of etiquette or maybe a little tiny ordinance suggestion that if you are going to get a divorce, and you know your family really likes your spouse, perhaps you should give them a chance to say good-bye.  Do some grieving.  Morn the loss of a '... really great guy'.  Or woman.

(For the record, even the sister-in-law agrees both of them were really great guys!  She doesn't like to be 'tied down' and feels constricted when she's married, and she did have regrets after the second divorce... but she loves being single so yes, you can divorce and still think your ex is a 'great guy'.)

But darnit, it would have been nice to have had one last good-bye before we lost them in the divorce.

They're called "MAN HOURS" because a woman would have had that shit done in 20 minutes.


This morning Mr. Coffee and I were having a discussion about some of the projects, tasks, maintenance, etc. around here.  I was getting ready to run errands to the nursery to order another 3.5 cubic feet of gravel to be delivered, to Lowe's for weed killer, paint and plants, Walmart garden center for 8 bushes.  Painting the patio furniture, painting the family room wall, cleaning the carpet, hanging the picture frames and wall decor... on top of the cooking, house cleaning, laundry, bathroom cleaning, grocery shopping... and more.

So this morning I finally brought up the fact that the ONE project he's been 'working on' for SIX WEEKS is taking too long and he has got to step up and help with the 200 other projects that need to be done.

For the record, that project is that I bought an unfinished cornhole game board that just needed to be stained and finished.  A two or three day project.... I thought.  He's now managed to spread this project out to something he's been working on for like, 6 weeks.  He decided to use gunstock oil to finish it instead of polyurethane or other varnish.  Fine.  I've used gunstock oil on a table - I did a thin layer to seal, followed up some quick additions and boom. Done. 

His projects however, normally take about 15 times as long as the normal person.  I KNOW this about him. I love him anyway.  So I haven't said much up to now.  But this week when he's been down working on it for another 1 1/2 hours and I stand there and watch him (he doesn't know I'm here) I see him dribble a few drops of oil on the fabric and slowly and methodically rub it in, in circles and swipes about 4 inches wide...  NO WONDER it's been 6 weeks and there is NO END IN SIGHT.

That whole "takes 15 times longer than average" thing?  Not making that up.  I'll never forget when I was busy running from one task to another one day and saw we had a light bulb out in one of the rooms.  I asked "Can you put a new light bulb in?"  He stopped, thought for a moment and said, "Yeah, I'm off on Tuesday so I can do it then."

I KID YOU NOT.  Obviously I had a #WTF? moment and changed the light bulb myself in like, 15 seconds.  I don't need to schedule an entire day off to change a fricken light bulb.

SO....  this morning as I wanted help with landscaping, weed control, painting the deck, anything BUT those darn cornhole boards;

I asked him how many layers he thinks the boards will need to be done. 
He wants them to have about 20.
I asked him how many layers there are currently on the boards?
About thinks about 8.

Oh good gracious.

So I told him no.  He cannot do this ONE project for 1-2 hours at at time, 3 times a week for the next month, while I'm left doing literally everything else in the entire household that needs to be done.  I need his help on the OTHER 17 projects that are taking priority right now.


Silence. Then a sigh.  Then.....

"Ok where's the list?"
"What list?"
"The list of what needs to be done."
"There isn't a list.  There's a hundred things that need to be done."
"Well show me a list."
"There isn't a list because you and I haven't sat down to make one.  You can just look around to see what needs to be done.  Or... we can make a list together if you want."


"But you always have a list."

Tonight after dinner... I'm making a list.  


Well, duh! Someone stole my mittens!

Clicking around the internet I came across a pretty old random blog that had a photo of a fluffy pair of white mittens.  Adult mittens.  Mittens that I suddenly remembered I HAD A PAIR OF JUST LIKE THAT.

I was a poor 16 year old - poor as in monetarily poor.  Unlike some kids who had parents actually buy them necessities, I had been purchasing my own clothes, shampoo, deodorant, makeup and what-not since I was starting 8th grade. And I did this on a whopping $1 an hour babysitting income I could get working my butt off every weekend, and then managed to get a cashiering job at a local store in our tiny town for $3.35 an hour.

And I had bought myself a pair of white mittens that I luuuuuuuuuved.  I was so happy about those mittens because I rarely had anything new or cool or anything at all really.  I had a friend with very generous parents who boasted she could wear a completely different outfit every day of her life right down to the socks and underwear and never once have to repeat any part of our ensemble.  Me?  Well, I hoped no one noticed I wore my yellow and white Coca-Cola shirt twice this week.  (I was soooo proud of that shirt.  I saved up enough to buy one - just like all the cool, rich kids in school had).

(I had a yellow and white one... and for Christmas I bought my boyfriend a blue and white one - believe me, these were SO COOL at the time!)  That shirt took 36 hours of babysitting to earn!

But I got sidetracked.
This post isn't about my yellow and white Coca-Cola shirt.
It's about the white mittens I bought.
And I loved.
And I felt like I owned something just like the cool kids had.
Because the cheerleaders at our school also had similar mittens.
But the sad part of my story is that I only got to use them for like, 2 months?
Because suddenly I couldn't find them.

I remember looking for them all over my room, my house and my car.
I recall thinking I might have lost them at my friend Nicole's house but I never found them there either.

I suppose over time I forgot about them and stopped looking.

I haven't thought about my white mitten in years.
Like, decades worth of years.

But this afternoon when I saw that post on a random old blog from the early 2000's, I instantly realized something.
Someone probably stole my mittens.
It's kind of a 'duh' moment - of course.  Especially since they were very thick, comfortable, cute, bright white, ultra-popular at the time and... new.
And they disappeared.

And yeah, someone probably did steal them.

I can't believe it's taken me, like 30 years to figure that out.

Meh...  it's just the coffee talking again.

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