Boys Want Sex in the Morning and Penis Envy.... penis on the brain? Nope. Uncle Bonsai on the Brain!

Typically I ramble over coffee in the morning.  It's not morning - it's actually about 5:00 pm - but I do have 3 very strong, hot cups of coffee in me and I'm in between tasks with about 30 minutes free so here I am.  And what is on my mind this afternoon?

The 80's.

I was an 80's kid and by the late 80's I was a teenager and driving my little 1982 Datsun 210 Sport back and forth to my boyfriends house, who lived about 20 miles away.  My curfew on the weekends was midnight so many nights were spent doing a solo drive home with just the radio to keep me company unless I wanted to play one of my cassette tapes - which I often did - and Samantha Fox, OMD and Prince Purple Rain were played often, but there was also late night radio... when the Dr. Demento Show came on!

I'm going to guesstimate that I discovered Dr. Demento on late night radio when I was about 13 or 14.  One of the first songs I remember was Fish Heads, which I still find myself singing once or twice a year at random times, as it just pops into my head.  He also introduced me to Weird Al's music.  I recall finding him on the radio as I would be home from a babysitting job on Friday or Saturday night and laying in bed, trying to fall asleep.  Remember kids, back then we didn't MP3 players, ipods, iphones or CD players.  We had... the radio. 

I would wait all week for late night weekends so I could try to find the Dr. Demento Show on my radio.  Often times, it was so full of static, I could barely hear him or the music, and often had to walk around my bedroom with my radio, trying to find a better place to get reception.  Once I hit that sweet spot, I'd lay in bed and listen to all the music that no radio would dare to play during the day.  Or dare to play in general, because if you are a fan of Dr. Demento and know his play lists... they aren't daytime office kind of music.  But oh, they were my kind of music!

One night, I'm guessing around 1987 but it might have been 1988, I was driving home, tuned into the Dr. Demento Show and heard, through awful static, a song being played that was singing the words "... boys want sex in the morning..."

What!??  Believe me, for the 80's this was pretty surprising to hear on the radio.  Or in a song at all!

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
When I'm still not fresh
Boys want
Something that strikes them
Someone who likes them
Fondling their flesh
Boys want
Someone to take and
Someone to break and
Comment on their size
Boys want
Someone to prod and
Someone who'll nod
And then just close her eyes
I tried to remember most of the lyrics as I heard them, but ultimately, I only remembered the chorus and few of the lines; but it stuck in my head and I thought it was awesome and hilarious.  So much so, that I recall telling my best friend, James, about it in the hallway of school on Monday.

You can find that one here: Boys Want Sex in the Morning  - but this post isn't about that one.  It's actually just an intro to what this post is really about - which is how that was my first introduction to the band UNCLE BONSAI.  Even saying their name, takes me back to the 80's and makes me smile.

I soon became a fan of Uncle Bonsai and Weird Al - listening for their songs in particular any time I could tune into the Dr. Demento Show.  Ahhh the memories.


Life got busy with marriage and kids and I forgot about them for a few years as Raffi and other Wee Sing Silly Songs took over my life.  But then...  I found myself again and found myself remembering some of the songs I used to love, including Boys Want Sex in the Morning and Penis Envy.

I love the song Penis Envy - although no one else in my family shares my affinity for it.  The funny (not funny, but funny) thing about it is that I absolutely don't BELIEVE in penis envy.  I would have to say I have thoughts more towards "penis condolences" than envy and get a little irate at any psycho-babble saying all females wish they were men or wish they had a penis.

Ummm, no.  I love being a girl. I grew up with a lot of penises in our family (I'm the only girl in a family full of boys) and I've never, not once, ever wished I had a penis.  But I do love the song!

The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

Penis Envy

If I had a penis, I'd wear it outside.
In cafes and car lots, with pomp and with pride.
If I had a penis, I'd pamper it proper.
I'd stay in the tub, and use me as a stopper.

If I had a penis, I'd take it to parties.
Stretch it and stroke it, and shove it at smarties.
I'd take it to pet shows, and teach it to stay.
I'd stuff it in turkeys on Thanksgiving Day!

I'd rival my buddies, in sports cars and stick shifts.
I'd shower my spire, with girlies and gifts.
I'd peek around corners, I'd aim at my toilet.
I'd poke it at foreigners, I'd soap it and oil it.

If I had a penis, I'd run to my mother.
Comb out the hair and compare it to brother.
I'd lance her, I'd knight her.
My hands would indulge.
Pants would seem tighter, and buckle and bulge!

A penis to plunder.
A penis to push.
'Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me.
A penis to share.
To pick up and play with when nobody's there!

I'd sit like a boy, I'd straddle the chair.
I'd play with my fly, albeit with care.
I'd dip it in chocolate, I'd stick it in sockets.
I'd stroll to the movies with hands deep in pockets.

I'd stick in vacuums on vacant verandas.
Gas guzzling Volvos and poodles and pandas.
In puddles and drainpipes,
In doggies and ditches,
Pool halls and potholes,
And bottles and bitches.
Zucchinis and zebras,
Tomatoes, tomatoes,
In pineapples, pumpkins,
And gulches and grottos,
In melons and marshmallows!

Gloves and gorillas.
Slurpies and slippers.
Chinooks and chinchillas.

A penis to plunder,
A penis to push!
'Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush.
A penis to love me,
A penis to share.
To pick up and play with when nobody's there.

If I had a penis, I'd climb every mountain.
I'd force it on females, I'd pee like a fountain,
If I had a penis, I'd still be a girl...
But I'd make much more money and conquer the world.

You might also be interested in these Uncle Bonsai songs and albums available through Amazon....

Boys Want Sex in the Morning
Plain Brown Wrapper: Unreleased Songs 1984-1989
The Family Feast: The Study of the Human Condition, First World Problems, and the Lasting Physiological and Psychological Effects of Eating Our Young
The Grim Parade


6:45 pm...  that awkward time of night when you are sooooo tired;  you'd really like a cup hot, strong, black coffee but you aren't sure if you should give in or just hold out and go to bed early tonight.


Review: New England Original Cooper's Cask Coffee - Rye Whiskey, Malt Whiskey, Rum... COFFEE

My husband received a coffee theme gift for his birthday this week - which I was happy to see, as that meant I got to enjoy it as well!  The gift was a 3 pack of cask coffee from Cooper's Cask Coffee in Rhode Island.  Since this post is not sponsored in any way, I can say whatever I want about their coffee - and guess what?  I loved it.  So did my husband.

Now, I'm not normally a fan of flavored coffee (and if you are a regular reader, you know this).  I like my coffee strong, hot and black.  Currently I'm on a long running Sumatra kick - brewed in k-cups at 6 oz.  Sometimes at 4 ounce.  Yes, I like my coffee strong.

In the Gift Box you get 3 - 4 oz. bags (we received whole bean which I'm thrilled about, I'll tell you why below).

For the product description and tasting notes I'm going to take it straight from their site as they describe it far better than I could....


  • Barrel Aged: Uprising (Son’s of Liberty Whiskey): Stout style American whiskey
  • Coffee Beans: Sumatra Lintong
  • Tasting Notes:  Woody Earth, tobacco, tropical fruits, vanilla, caramel
  • The Sumatra coffee bean is from the sub-region of Lintong and was chosen because of the complementary tasting notes of woody earth and mild sweet tobacco, with a hint of ripe tropical fruits.  When aged in whiskey barrels, the flavor and aroma of the bean is enhanced with the sweetness of vanilla and caramel from the whiskey.  When tasted, you get the enriched coffee experience with a very long whiskey finish.  Excellent as an espresso.

  • Barrel Aged: Battle Cry (Son’s of Liberty Whiskey) Rye American whiskey
  • Coffee Beans: Ethiopian Dry Processed
  • Tasting Notes:  Bright and clean cup with a slight acidic spice, fruited notes of peach jam and strawberries, touch of sweetness of red raw honey and dutch chocolate
  • This coffee uses the dry process by means of drying out the cherries under the sun on raised beds instead of the traditional wet processed (cherries stripped off after picking).  The dry process intensifies the flavor of the cherry directly into the coffee bean. The flavor profile has a very bright and clean cup with accents of peaches, strawberries, raw red honey, and a touch of dutch chocolate. The Battle Cry whiskey is distilled from a Belgium yeast style beer with grains of malted rye and honey malt.  The whiskey complements the coffee with bright spicy flavors and an intense floral nose that is slightly sweet.  Enjoy the intense aromas and the complex flavors of this barrel aged coffee!

  • Barrel Aged: Thomas Tew Rum Barrel from Newport, RI
  • Coffee Beans:  Rwanda Single Origin
  • Tasting Notes:  Caramelized sugar, red raisins, molasses, rich cocoa, baking spices, vanilla and oak
  • The perfect pairing of the natural dark toffee and molasses of the coffee with the caramel sweetness and slight spiciness of the rum.  You will find this coffee to be incredibly smooth.  The aroma after a fresh grind gives way to an amazing caramelized sugar and all-spice with a hint of golden raisins.  The flavors in the brewed cup continues but deepens into a rich cocoa complexity with notes of spice, vanilla, and oak come into play.  An espresso shot intensifies the sweet toffee and spice with a rich cocoa and oak structure.

Looking at just these three (they do sell more flavors and styles but I can't personally speak to those as I haven't tried them), I chose the Single Malt Whiskey Barrel.  

The roast is medium dark, and the taste is more woody, tobacco than heavy on the fruit - which I am NOT a fan of 'sweet' so from the description and smell, I chose this one.  It was only after I brewed my first cup that I looked at the bag more closely and saw it was made with SUMATRA ISLAND origin beans.  No wonder I liked it! My favorite beans were used as well.

One of the reasons I hate flavored coffee in general is the flavoring is fake, chemically tasting and usually 'off'.  This had none of that.  These coffee beans start with a quality bean, and are aged in whiskey barrels.  This gives them a better flavor than other companies just dousing the beans with some flavored oils.

We received whole beans - and I'm thankful for that.  To get the best flavor, you need to freshly grind your beans right before brewing.  Pre-ground coffee has already started to lose some of that burst of aroma, flavor and magic.  I ground the beans, used a Reusable K Cups For Keurig  for my single cup k-cup style brewer (not a Keurig but a similar brand no longer made called iCoffee.

I brewed the first cup at 6 ounces.  It was... very good.  The flavor of the whiskey was not a fake chemical flavor. It was more of a strong hint but let the coffee shine through.  This was a huge positive in my book.  Also, I don't eat sugar and haven't for years so things are overly sweet to me and I can taste sweetness in foods and beverages that is sometimes overwhelming to me although the average person can't taste it as they are acclimated to sugar.  This coffee was just 'almost' too sweet to me (yes I drink it black, no sweeteners added).  But the average person probably will not taste the sweetness.

My husband brewed a 6 ounce size first (he's come over to the 'dark side' of coffee with me in the last year or two!  Yay!) and then he brewed it at 4 ounces to see if the flavor strength would change.  It was a stronger coffee, yes, but the flavor/hint of the whiskey stayed true.

I give a THUMBS UP to the Single Malt Whiskey blend by Cooper's.  Absolutely, without hesitation... I even posted it on my personal Snapchat to let others know it was worth trying.  However I know I will NOT be trying the Rum version.  I personally don't like the flavor or smell of rum.  It's too sweet for me, I don't like the actual taste of alcohol and even the smell of rum is enough to turn my stomach so... no.  I may try the other whiskey in the set, however by aroma alone, it smells a little lighter and more sweet and fruity than the single malt.  Since I don't like sweet or fruity, I think I'll stick to the single malt whiskey version and leave the other two bags for my husband.

It was his birthday gift after all.....   ha.

Related products available through Amazon....

  Whiskey & Rum Barrel Aged Coffee Whole Bean Box Set, 3 Bags Gift Box Set, Coffee Sampler Set - Single Origin Sumatra Whiskey, Ethiopian Rye, Rwanda Rum Roasted Coffee Beans, 12oz Total

   Wine Barrel Aged Whole Coffee Bean Box Set, Sample Gift Set - Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon Barrel Aged Coffee, 3x 4oz Bags Box Set, 100% Guaranteed

  Bourbon Barrel Aged K-cups Coffee, 12 ct Bourbon K-cup Box Set - Grade 1 Single Origin Colombian Coffee Aged Bourbon Barrels, 12count


Edmund Burke did not say "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"

Edmund Burke (12 January 1729 – 9 July 1797) was an Irish political philosopher, Whig politician and statesman who is often regarded as the father of modern conservatism. 

He is often quoted as saying: 

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

But my interest in the history of this quote showed me tonight that it looks as though he has been misquoted.  And there is no direct link between this quote and him, although there is a link to someone else.

This purported quote bears a resemblance to the narrated theme of Sergei Bondarchuk's Soviet film adaptation of Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace, produced in 1966. In it the narrator declares "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing", although since the original is in Russian various translations to English are possible.

Nevertheless, reading about Edmund Burke this evening as I sipped my coffee (well, admittedly it was 4 oz. of espresso over a cup of homemade vanilla ice cream; but it was coffee!) got me interested in a few of his quotes that are verified to be from his writings and/or speeches. 

Here are three you can ponder over coffee.  The first one had a specific line that rings true to our media, celebrities and the Democratic party.  Their hatred and bullying is to sacrifice their enemies (those who are more conservative in politics as well as our current President) however they forget their own future safety in their desire to sacrifice those who believe differently than they do.


Liberty, if I understand it at all, is a general principle, and the clear right of all the subjects within the realm, or of none. Partial freedom seems to me a most invidious mode of slavery. But, unfortunately, it is the kind of slavery the most easily admitted in times of civil discord; for parties are but too apt to forget their own future safety in their desire of sacrificing their enemies. People without much difficulty admit the entrance of that injustice of which they are not to be the immediate victims. In times of high proceeding it is never the faction of the predominant power that is in danger: for no tyranny chastises its own instruments.

Young man, there is America — which at this day serves for little more than to amuse you with stories of savage men and uncouth manners; yet shall, before you taste of death, show itself equal to the whole of that commerce which now attracts the envy of the world.

It is the love of the people; it is their attachment to their government, from the sense of the deep stake they have in such a glorious institution, which gives you both your army and your navy, and infuses into both that liberal obedience, without which your army would be a base rabble, and your navy nothing but rotten timber.


Rambling over morning coffee: A man in love is a beautiful thing. Hearing a man say "my wife" with such love and respect - oh be still my heart

I know I can't do this post justice as I have too many thoughts swirling in my head and it's an on-going topic in my brain that I often ponder.

Falling in love.
Love at first sight.
It's how chemicals in our brain work.
How our bodies react to one person but not another.
How beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
How pretty and beautiful differ.
The term "She's the kind of girl you marry" differs from "She's not the kind of girl you marry".
and so, so many more thoughts... all swirling around the same basic topic in my head.

I love this tiny bit from Romeo and Juliet - Act 1 Scene 5

Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

It sums up a lot of what swirls through brain with this topic.
It's so amazing to me that of all the hundreds of thousands of people you see in your lifetime, you can easily dismiss most of them as a potential partner.  You can feel feelings towards others on many different levels.  Sometimes it may be instant lust, sometimes you think someone looks pleasant, sometimes you are stopped in your tracks looking at a person you find so very attractive, but you have no interest in meeting them or taking it further.  Other times you find someone attractive and you want to talk to them and get closer but as soon as you do, there is absolutely no connection or attraction.  Still other times, you settle.  There is a warm, comfortable feeling with someone and you accept that you may not find yourself physically attracted to them but you are 'ready' to settle down and this person is there.  Or maybe you feel strong friendship towards someone but you don't physically attracted them in the least.

And the list goes on and goes.

What I find somewhat fascinating is how in a group of people - be it 5 people or 5,000 people - you can suddenly and inexplicably feel pulled towards one person.

The fascinating part to me is that all different people feel that towards different people.

It's not that all 15 people in one group are feeling an instant attraction to only one person.

What comes to mind is back when I was a teenager.  A group of four, five or six of us would go 'out' on a Saturday night.  You come across a group of guys also 'out' at the same venue - be it a fast food place, a movie theater, a dance club, a fair... whatever.  And instantly there is a pairing off of sorts.

Instantly a couple will feel something between the two of them that dismisses anyone else in the group.

It's that feeling when two groups of people or two people come together and there is instantly something clicks between them.  And the person you feel a strong attraction to may not be the best 'looking' of the group.  You may think out of a certain group of people there are 2 that are nice looking but your brain instantly dismisses them, and you feeling nothing towards them other than perhaps a sexual attraction on some level because they are good looking but you are pulled towards someone else in the group or the room.  Perhaps the 'plain' person next to the one that garners the most immediate attention from the majority of people.

For whatever reason your body, your brain and your emotions are so pulled to that one person... and they may not even be what you thought you were looking for in a relationship or partner.

Perhaps you've always thought you were attracted to guys/girls with reddish brown hair, longer and blue eyes.  You like tall and fit people who smile all the time.  You might even be seriously dating someone like that.

But suddenly you find  yourself next to a person with light brown/blonde hair, green or brown eyes and they are not tall - he or she is average height and maybe about 10 or 15 pounds over their ideal weight.  They aren't smiling at the moment, they are actually sitting at a table with a cup of coffee and staring out the window... or they are watching a band on stage, or maybe just standing in line at the bookstore in front of you.

Suddenly it hits you.  Something about that person is drawing you in.  Sometimes so strongly you find yourself making a small gasp of breath as it hits you so strongly.  That connection.  You try to look away but you can't.  You feel the need to stare at them, to drink in their image.  You see something about them that makes not only your body long for them, but your mind, your thoughts... you want so badly to talk to them.  To hear their voice, to have them look into your eyes.

And then there is love. 
And how absolutely attractive a man in love is.

I love hearing a man in love say the words "my wife...."
I love hearing my own husband say it.
I love when he is relating a story from work and a coworker has said "... my wife..."
I love when I overhear strangers talking about their wives and you can tell they love them simply by the way they say "my wife".
I even love when I'm reading message boards, forums or social media posts online and a guy will say "my wife...."  you can hear it in the words he is typing.

How I love a man in love!

It makes my stomach do a little flip.
It makes me find them sexy and attractive in a way... not because I want them but I love the feeling I get when I hear a man say those words and you can tell he truly loves, respects and adores his wife.  I don't WANT them, I don't want to touch them, be with them, or even talk to them.  I have no INTEREST in them that way.  What I am saying is that there is a feeling inside that comes from seeing and hearing others in love.  A good feeling that washes over you.

It's similar to that biological response we females get when we see an attractive man holding a baby or toddler.  Oh that feeling!  Ladies, you know the one I'm talking about!  It's a response that is so deep in our DNA that it just happens.

The words "my wife..." out of the mouth of a man in love is just....  magical.

Ahhh my rambling.
It's all over the place.

I said at the beginning of this ramble over coffee that I can't do my thoughts justice.
There are too many offshoots to this topic.

But going back to Romeo...

Up until he sees Juliet, he's thought he loved others before.
He thought he loved Rosaline.  He probably would have been fine with Rosaline as a partner had she also felt an attraction... or was ok with just making due with what she thought was love.

But suddenly, he SEES Juliet.  He doesn't know her, he hasn't talked to her.
He simply sees her and BOOM!
It's that 'thing' I'm talking about.
Seeing someone across a crowded bar and although they don't stand out to anyone else for any particular reason, they do to you.  Something about them makes you catch your breath and you feel... something.
You find that person beautiful or captivating even if they are not the ideal others find to be 'beautiful' - they are to you.  They just ARE.  

Which leads into a Shakespeare sonnet that explains this quite well!

Sonnet 130

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

The person 'talking' or 'thinking' in the sonnet is well aware that ideal beauty his friends or family find attractive is not the person he is in love with.  He is saying that her eyes, lips, hair, voice... nothing is what he previously might have found beautiful or wanting. He thought he loved all those qualities about a woman but suddenly here is!  IN LOVE with someone who has completely different qualities.  She sounds as though most would find her so plain, so ugly, so unattractive that even her breath is terrible... but he's drawn to her.  He loves her.  She can't compare to any of the 'beauties' because she beats them all out without doing a thing.

He's smitten.

He's totally in love and feels love so rare that there is nothing to compare it to.

A man in love is a beautiful thing.

Ah, it's just the coffee talking again.....


We got a DNA kit as a Christmas Gift and NOT comfortable sending it in yet.... Have YOU done a #DNAKIT? What's your take? #AncestryDNA

From my Twitter feed this weekend.... 

Rambling over Coffee: Walmart's Search Engine (sucks)

I'm going to try to make this a really QUICK post because I could go on and on about how awful Walmart's search engine is all day long.

Preface:  Although some people don't feel at all bad about buying primarily from Amazon, I don't like to.  I like to shop locally at retail stores to try to give them business as I know it's hard to compete against an internet giant.  I also try to shop at smaller stores online (after making sure they are legit and not a Chinese knock off site, and that I can trust the site) but also I like to try give other big retail sites my business because I hate to see iconic retailers go under.  Even though I may not necessarily like Kmart or Sears for instance, I really hate to see them struggle and close down their stores because they were a big part of my childhood.

Ahh... I'm starting to ramble.  So to get back to where I was...  I WANT and NEED the best price for items I purchase because we are on tight budget and I can take 5-8 YEARS to buy things I'd really like to have just because we can't really afford them at the time.

Because I want and need the best price, I WILL do hours and hours of research for the same items at my local stores as well as allllll over the internet.  I compare prices, prices with shipping, prices with shipping and tax, etc.

Unfortunately I often end up buying at Amazon because, let's face it... their site and their search engine is (are?) VERY well done.  I can find most items so quickly, so easily and usually they are targeted to what I actually SEARCHED FOR.

Not so much at Walmart.

I want to give them a shot but every single time, I get so frustrated that I end up clicking away.  They MIGHT have the best price for something but I don't even know because I can't GET to the correct product 90% of the time.

If I do a search for "purple plates"  I'm going to get 9,000 items returned on my search that are things like "sewing needles" "red balloons" "saltine crackers" and "elephant baby blanket" before it ever GETS to my search for purple plates.  Also... half the time the item I searched for doesn't even show up on my search even though I know they have it. (Crap, that's another rant.  I'll save that one I guess but the point is I found it at my local store even though I verified 4-5 times their entire website said they didn't have it, didn't sell it and only 1 'third party' retailer sold them.  I FOUND THEM in the store the next day).

This morning I found some chairs that I was pricing on various sites and a google search showed me that Walmart carried them as well as the furniture stores, Amazon and Overstock, etc.

I am searching for the full backed dining chair.  The other style is a square 'half' backed chair.

Note their listing.....

See how it's a square half back?
But wait... now flip through a couple more pictures so you can see different angles of the same chair... that third image on the listing?


It's the full backed chair I am looking for... but it's on the listing with 2 other photos of the half backed chair.

SAME LISTING AND NO IT IS NOT AN "OPTION" when you order.  You can't order "either" the half or full back... 

And since the descriptions on Walmart suck, are completely wrong or are non-existent half the time, you really don't know WHAT kind of chair is for sale.

Is it the half back or full back?  (I'm guessing half... but again - the listing shows the wrong chair so, how do you know for sure until you order?)

But wait!  It gets better!!!

So, at the bottom of the page they always list similar items you might be interested it.

Hey look!  A similar chair under a different name...  wait.

That's not a similar chair under a different name... it's the same chair under a different name with a different price.

So the Furniture of America chair is also now called the Kingfisher Lane chair and look at the images!

AGAIN - the first two images are the half back square and the 3rd image is a DIFFERENT, full backed chair.


Again, the purchase options are NOT for either a full back or half back chair.
The purchase option is simply the quantity you want to put into your cart and purchase.

But... will you be getting the half backed chair or the full backed chair?

I guess you have to pay $250 to find out! 

... it's just the coffee talking again.


WHY in 2019 am I suddenly seeing and hearing "Black Betty" and Ram Jam for a couple days in a row, from completely different places?

Rambling over coffee:

I really do have fresh, hot coffee in front of me (well, it's almost gone now) at 6:pm so I'm truly rambling over coffee here.

I have never in my life liked 70's music.  It wasn't my era and growing up, there was nothing I liked about the 70's.  I thought the hairstyles were pathetic, the clothing was 'gross' and the music was disgusting.  I guess it was because of my age and the fact that I was an 80's kid.  I grew up on Bon Jovi, Poison, The Bangles... all 80's pop and rock.  It was only as an adult and in the last decade that I came to love 70's music as well.

But because of those reasons I suppose that's why I never had heard of a band named Ram Jam... and I didn't know the song 'Black Betty'.  (Although I've heard it before in my life... which I'll get to in a minute.)

So without knowing this band existed back in the 70's....
Never having heard of it...
And with NO reason that I know of why in the world it would come up NOW, in February of 2019...

I've suddenly came upon Black Betty by Ram Jam THREE TIMES in the last 2 days.  


It's not like this song or band is somehow popular again this month.
It's not like there is any reason I should have randomly come upon them.

The first time it was a side click on youtube as I was looking up a completely different music video  -  one that is popular TODAY in 2019 and is a completely different genre.  No big deal though on that one.  The weird ones are this...

When I'm bored I sometimes like to look through random blogs of people.
If they are using blogger, and they have an ABOUT ME page on their site, they often have a whole list of random blogs they 'like' and I will often just click on a couple of those.  Mostly, I tend to look at blogs that have things in common with me and are known as "Mom Blogs" or "Homesteading" style sites with stories about raising your own food, animals and such.

So randomly...  I click on a random blog, and from there click on another random blog - some of which haven't been updated or posted on since 2009 or 2006 or 2010, etc.  (In other words, their owners have LONG since forgotten about them and stopped blogging.)

And what do I find?


One posted the video and was talking about the clothing and hairstyles and music of that time - the 70's.  And also the origins of 'Black Betty' and how it was originally about a gun with a black stock, the term later take up by bikers who often name their motorcycles Black Betty, and later - if Betty is in fact a woman from Birmingham?  Yada yada.

The other posted photos and talked about how stupid it was that the lead singer was trying to sound like he was from the South and calling Alabama "Alabam" like he had a right to.  (Yeah... I don't know. His rant, not mine.)  He went on about a few things... but the point is -


Seriously, a band I've never heard of from 1977 with one hit that I recognize enough to know I've heard before at some point in my life but I've never actually listened to it, nor ever listened to the words... suddenly shows up in my life in 3 completely different, unrelated places.  By 3 unrelated persons talking about it or posting it and all posted at different times... like, 2012 and 2008.  

So it's not like someone on a talk show suddenly brought them or their song up, or one of the band members died or anything so it was 'current' news to chat about.


So if tomorrow I randomly come across another dead blog or website of someone talking about

Eh... ignore me.  It's just the coffee talking again.

Rambling over coffee.... Wells Fargo's outage on February 7th. Our 19 year history of being Wells Fargo customers and all the crap they have done

Yesterday morning I was deciding whether I wanted to log into our Wells Fargo account to schedule our mortgage payment.  It's due, although there is a window of time to pay before the late fees kick in.  I was either going to go ahead and schedule it yesterday or today... but no hurry, right?

So I hop online to have my morning coffee and check email accounts and a couple forums, a couple social media sites.  What do I see on Twitter's 'trending' list on the side of the page?  #WELLSFARGO.  Hmmm.  They're in the news AGAIN?  What this time?

And that is how I found out about the massive outage yesterday.  People all over the country were having their Wells Fargo debit and credit cards denied.  ATM's not working for them.  Online access down.  Mobile app access down.

In other words; if you have money in Wells Fargo bank, you cannot access it.  Some people said they were going to the branches but then it was reported even the branches systems were not letting them access the accounts so again; no access to your own money.

We do have a Wells Fargo account; although it's not our primary accounts for everyday life.

My first thoughts
  • My husband, who is on a business trip right now - does he have a Wells Fargo card with him? 
  • Do I have any payments planning to go through to our Wells Fargo account today?
  • Do any of our kids have Wells Fargo for their primary bank's debit or credit cards?
  • I wonder if their company computers were hacked?
  • Is my information safe?
  • Are my primary bank accounts that I have linked to our Wells Fargo accounts safe?
  • I have to pay our mortgage... I wonder how long this outage will last?

It's too bad that a few years ago I wiped the Coffee Talking slate clean of all my posts from 2004-2011 (?) or so because boy, I had some great 'ranting against Wells Fargo' posts up back in the day.   I'd love to go back and read them now.

We've had a Wells Fargo account since 2000.  With their lies, coverups, screw up, crappy customer service and other issues, WHY do we still have it?  Laziness on our part mostly.

We originally opened our accounts with them in the Spring of 2000 when we moved to a new city/state with my husbands job.  We lived there for 2 years, we were relocated again, moved again.  The new city's main bank was Wells Fargo and since we had had no issues with them, we kept them as our bank.  And two years later we relocated again.

My husband moved to the new city/state while I stayed behind with the kids to sell our home.  He was opening a new bank account at the new location and I was going to close out our Wells Fargo account.  I called them to do it, only to be told I could not close it out on the phone.  I had to come in... in person.  To the ORIGINAL LOCATION WHERE WE OPENED OUR ACCOUNT.

What?!  Umm... we don't LIVE THERE ANYMORE.  We haven't lived in that city/state for a couple years.  I cannot come in to close our account.  The person on the phone told me she didn't know what to tell me then.  Accounts had to have a signature in person to close them and our account was opened at another branch and still had that original routing number from their state/city.

WHAT THAT HAD TO DO WITH ANYTHING I HAVE NO IDEA.  But there ya go.  Was this because it was the early 2000's and their computer systems weren't able to connect to all Wells Fargo's across the country?  Who knows.

So, to make it easier on us I just said 'screw it' we'll stay with them for now.  Wells Fargo was still a local bank option for us at the new location.  We even opened up savings accounts for the kids at this point.

And then the troubles with Wells Fargo started.

I can't even remember all of them but I remember they started to mess up on things and we often had to go into the branch to talk to a person face to face to get them figured out.

They were also often 'off' on our balance.  Never a large amount...  but never correct.  Anything between $.10 - $4.00 would regularly go 'missing' from our account.  Sometimes I figured 'screw it' and would just deduct the balance from my total and go on with it; but other times I would call them and make them go over each and every deduction for the past billing cycle and when they had no answer for the missing funds, I would suddenly see the 'correct' balance show up by the next morning.

With our checking and saving account, a mortgage and 3 kids savings account all with their bank, you would think it would be easy to bank with them as our family alone had 6 accounts with them.  But I recall going on vacation one year and our last stop on our way out of town with a packed minivan full of kids, suitcases and beach toys was to swing through Wells Fargo drive-thru and cash my (very small) paycheck.  I worked for a small 2 person office with the city at that time and they didn't offer direct deposit since there were just the two of us running the city office.  I took my paper check, signed it just like I had for the previous 2 years and we pulled up to cash it.  It was a pitifully small amount at the time - I think it was around $230.  So we give them the signed check, my drivers license for ID and wait.  Just like a hundred times before.

And we wait.
And wait.
And in the meantime the other lanes of customers are slowly getting their service and continuing on... while we still wait.
We ask;  what is taking so long?  "We're just getting your account... thanks for waiting."



We have 3 kids waiting oh-so-patiently while these fucktards are blowing us off and not cashing a simple $200 check?  WHAT WAS THE FUCKING PROBLEM?

FINALLY SHE TELLS US:  "Umm, I don't think you have an account here.  I see a mortgage account you had once a few years ago but that was paid off.  I don't see any other accounts though..."

I was livid.


A current mortgage, a savings account, a checking account and THREE kids savings accounts.

She clicks something on her keyboard and says... (I kid you not....)   

"Oh! Here they are.  I didn't scroll to the next page."

She did not click to the next page.  She kept us waiting 23 minutes because she was too stupid to see if we had any accounts other than one old mortgage from our first house that was paid off.

We started to talk about closing out our Wells Fargo accounts completely after this and I checked into banks in our local suburb.  But then life got busy... work, school, 3 kids, sports, dance, cheer, you know how it goes.  So changing banks got put on the back burner.

Soon after that my daughter was old enough to get a part time job.

We did not have her open a checking account with them.  She opened it with a different bank.

We had other issues with them - I don't recall all of them but I remember them messing up the order I had for currency when we were planning a trip to Italy.  I recall more than a few times having to stop in at the local branch to get them to fix their latest screw ups.

Then my son was old enough to get a part time job.  Because we already banked at Wells Fargo, he did opt to get his checking account with them as all he was going to be doing is cashing his check and putting half of every check into savings; it would be easier to just stay with them since his savings account was with them.


It was now a few years later and we were getting ready to relocate yet again with my husbands job.  This time to a location 1000 miles away.  By this time we had closed out 2 of our kids savings accounts but our son still had his checking and savings account.  It was a FREE STUDENTS ACCOUNT (important).  But not only were we moving, HE was graduating high school, had just quit his part time job going off to college about 6 hours away.

It was time for our son to close out his Wells Fargo accounts.

Being 18 and wanting to be adult about it - and figuring it was a pretty easy thing to do - just closing out his checking and savings accounts, he wanted to do this alone without me there with him.  Should be quick and simple, right?

So off my 18 year old son goes to the Wells Fargo branch to let them know he was going off to college and would need to CLOSE his free student account and his savings account.  Period.

His first real 'ADULT' task to do regarding finances.  He was a little bit nervous as he didn't know anything about how the banking and finance part of being an adult worked...  but off he went.

When he returned home about 1 1/2 hours later he was quiet.  He had a couple pieces of paper in hand and he looked confused.

He said he went to close his account but they made him meet with a lady who confused him with everything she was saying and she told him he couldn't close his account but needed to open a different account now that he was going off to college.

She had double-talked him - a kid in high school - and lied to him.  The short version of the story is she OPENED UP A NEW ACCOUNT IN HIS NAME.

A new checking account that was going to cost him $10 a month in fees...  a kid that had NO JOB any longer as he had just QUIT it to move hours away to go to college full time.

I was pissed.

I was on the phone with "BETTY" and ripped her a new one.  We ended up getting his account CLOSED but I had HAD it with that damn bank and their lies.


I'm sure BETTY was getting a huge bonus for all her 'new' accounts she was landing.

So his account was closed.
And we moved.  My intention was to close that stupid Wells Fargo account once we got settled in our new state.

We opened an account with a completely different bank in the new city/state.

And after a really crappy, difficult, stressful and awful relocation... I landed in the new city and state.

For the next 3 months I dealt with a host of issues with the new home, fall out from a really awful moving experience with a crappy company and yada yada.

Our Wells Fargo account just sat their during that time; which was fine.  And then... I just didn't worry about it.  It sat there.  We used our primary checking and savings from our new bank.  The Wells Fargo account was kind of a backup account - and since a number of financial accounts were already 'tied' to it; it actually made it easy to not close it as we would have had to go through the hassle of changing out the deposit and routing numbers for those financial accounts and wait for our new bank to be verified and such.


Plus - our new mortgage was 'sold' (as most are right after you take them out) to...  Wells Fargo.

Over the past couple years I've OFTEN thought about ditching them.  But changing out those accounts seemed like a hassle I didn't want to deal with.

I almost closed them out again when Wells Fargo changed the rules of their checking accounts and were going to begin to charge me $14 a month as a fee.  But then we were told because our account was so 'old' we would be grandfathered in.

Then they changed the rules AGAIN and once again were going to charge the $14 a month just to have a checking account with them.  I was thiiiiiis close to closing it again - damn the work involved to contact and change out the accounts linked with it that we've used for deposits, etc.  But, they saved themselves by the skin of their teeth again because if we had a minimum balance, the fee would be charged and credited back every month resulting in it continuing to be free.

So that is why we still had/have a savings and checking account with Wells Fargo.  Although the mortgage with them is NOT our choice.  We have no control over that one.


As of this morning I checked and although I can log into our Wells Fargo account, I can't actually click on or see our accounts.  Just the summary.

I also can't pay our mortgage (since I can't click on anything on the page... just view it.)

Am I considering YET AGAIN telling Wells Fargo to f-off?  Sure.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do.  IF they were our actual primary bank and I was relying on them for my checking and savings account;  yeah, we would dump them.  We would have already actually.  But because we just use them as a backup account and it's nice to be 'forced' to have a little savings account I don't ever touch because it would mean going below the minimum balance requirement, it's tempting to just let it set there.

I don't deal with them hardly ever.
They don't screw around with missing money in our account like they did years back.
It's used so little that I would immediately notice missing funds even down to a penny.
When we are relocating across the country, it's nice to have two separate accounts for Mr. Coffee and I - he can use one at the new location while I'm using one at 'home' and we don't have to worry about one or the other over spending because we are living separately at the time and aren't always communicating about every penny being spent during the buying and selling process.
If at ANY time they take away our 'grandfathered in' free checking, yeah, I'd close out our accounts in two seconds.  I told that to the face of the smarmy and arrogant young asshole in the suit that I talked to at the local branch when I was wiring money to my daughter overnight... and he was being a pushy douche bag trying to convince me to change our checking account over to one of their premium accounts instead... I pointed out our account was free - he ARGUED WITH ME and told me I was paying $14 a month for it.  I informed him I certainly was NOT.  And that we were grandfathered in... and if they EVER charged me a fee for having a checking account with them, I would close all my accounts with them so fast it would make his head spin.  (He then looked back at his computer screen, scrolled down and said 'ohhhh I see it now.  You are charged and then credited back each month because you were grandfathered in on the..."  blah blah.

Insert me rolling my eyes.



Laziness on my part I suppose.

Pure laziness.

Don't mind me... it's just the coffee talking again.


If you enjoy visiting Just the Coffee Talking, please consider using this affiliate link if you are planning to shop for anything (seriously, anything!) at Amazon. -Coffee at Amazon by Coffee Talking


Me... on Twitter

Sometimes I know my site needs to be updated but I just have no inclination to write anything, ramble over coffee or do a product review.  Life has other things going on this week.

Instead, here are a few of my tweets from the last couple days.