I know I can't do this post justice as I have too many thoughts swirling in my head and it's an on-going topic in my brain that I often ponder.
Falling in love.
Love at first sight.
It's how chemicals in our brain work.
How our bodies react to one person but not another.
How beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
How pretty and beautiful differ.
The term "She's the kind of girl you marry" differs from "She's not the kind of girl you marry".
and so, so many more thoughts... all swirling around the same basic topic in my head.
I love this tiny bit from Romeo and Juliet - Act 1 Scene 5
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.
It sums up a lot of what swirls through brain with this topic.
It's so amazing to me that of all the hundreds of thousands of people you see in your lifetime, you can easily dismiss most of them as a potential partner. You can feel feelings towards others on many different levels. Sometimes it may be instant lust, sometimes you think someone looks pleasant, sometimes you are stopped in your tracks looking at a person you find so very attractive, but you have no interest in meeting them or taking it further. Other times you find someone attractive and you want to talk to them and get closer but as soon as you do, there is absolutely no connection or attraction. Still other times, you settle. There is a warm, comfortable feeling with someone and you accept that you may not find yourself physically attracted to them but you are 'ready' to settle down and this person is there. Or maybe you feel strong friendship towards someone but you don't physically attracted them in the least.
And the list goes on and goes.
What I find somewhat fascinating is how in a group of people - be it 5 people or 5,000 people - you can suddenly and inexplicably feel pulled towards one person.
The fascinating part to me is that all different people feel that towards different people.
It's not that all 15 people in one group are feeling an instant attraction to only one person.
What comes to mind is back when I was a teenager. A group of four, five or six of us would go 'out' on a Saturday night. You come across a group of guys also 'out' at the same venue - be it a fast food place, a movie theater, a dance club, a fair... whatever. And instantly there is a pairing off of sorts.
Instantly a couple will feel something between the two of them that dismisses anyone else in the group.
It's that feeling when two groups of people or two people come together and there is instantly something clicks between them. And the person you feel a strong attraction to may not be the best 'looking' of the group. You may think out of a certain group of people there are 2 that are nice looking but your brain instantly dismisses them, and you feeling nothing towards them other than perhaps a sexual attraction on some level because they are good looking but you are pulled towards someone else in the group or the room. Perhaps the 'plain' person next to the one that garners the most immediate attention from the majority of people.
For whatever reason your body, your brain and your emotions are so pulled to that one person... and they may not even be what you thought you were looking for in a relationship or partner.
Perhaps you've always thought you were attracted to guys/girls with reddish brown hair, longer and blue eyes. You like tall and fit people who smile all the time. You might even be seriously dating someone like that.
But suddenly you find yourself next to a person with light brown/blonde hair, green or brown eyes and they are not tall - he or she is average height and maybe about 10 or 15 pounds over their ideal weight. They aren't smiling at the moment, they are actually sitting at a table with a cup of coffee and staring out the window... or they are watching a band on stage, or maybe just standing in line at the bookstore in front of you.
Suddenly it hits you. Something about that person is drawing you in. Sometimes so strongly you find yourself making a small gasp of breath as it hits you so strongly. That connection. You try to look away but you can't. You feel the need to stare at them, to drink in their image. You see something about them that makes not only your body long for them, but your mind, your thoughts... you want so badly to talk to them. To hear their voice, to have them look into your eyes.
And then there is love.
And how absolutely attractive a man in love is.
I love hearing a man in love say the words "my wife...."
I love hearing my own husband say it.
I love when he is relating a story from work and a coworker has said "... my wife..."
I love when I overhear strangers talking about their wives and you can tell they love them simply by the way they say "my wife".
I even love when I'm reading message boards, forums or social media posts online and a guy will say "my wife...." you can hear it in the words he is typing.
How I love a man in love!
It makes my stomach do a little flip.
It makes me find them sexy and attractive in a way... not because I want them but I love the feeling I get when I hear a man say those words and you can tell he truly loves, respects and adores his wife. I don't WANT them, I don't want to touch them, be with them, or even talk to them. I have no INTEREST in them that way. What I am saying is that there is a feeling inside that comes from seeing and hearing others in love. A good feeling that washes over you.
It's similar to that biological response we females get when we see an attractive man holding a baby or toddler. Oh that feeling! Ladies, you know the one I'm talking about! It's a response that is so deep in our DNA that it just happens.
The words "my wife..." out of the mouth of a man in love is just.... magical.
Ahhh my rambling.
It's all over the place.
I said at the beginning of this ramble over coffee that I can't do my thoughts justice.
There are too many offshoots to this topic.
But going back to Romeo...
Up until he sees Juliet, he's thought he loved others before.
He thought he loved Rosaline. He probably would have been fine with Rosaline as a partner had she also felt an attraction... or was ok with just making due with what she thought was love.
But suddenly, he SEES Juliet. He doesn't know her, he hasn't talked to her.
He simply sees her and BOOM!
It's that 'thing' I'm talking about.
Seeing someone across a crowded bar and although they don't stand out to anyone else for any particular reason, they do to you. Something about them makes you catch your breath and you feel... something.
You find that person beautiful or captivating even if they are not the ideal others find to be 'beautiful' - they are to you. They just ARE.
Which leads into a Shakespeare sonnet that explains this quite well!
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
The person 'talking' or 'thinking' in the sonnet is well aware that ideal beauty his friends or family find attractive is not the person he is in love with. He is saying that her eyes, lips, hair, voice... nothing is what he previously might have found beautiful or wanting. He thought he loved all those qualities about a woman but suddenly here is! IN LOVE with someone who has completely different qualities. She sounds as though most would find her so plain, so ugly, so unattractive that even her breath is terrible... but he's drawn to her. He loves her. She can't compare to any of the 'beauties' because she beats them all out without doing a thing.
He's totally in love and feels love so rare that there is nothing to compare it to.
A man in love is a beautiful thing.
Ah, it's just the coffee talking again.....