12.27.2019

Rambling Over Coffee: When someone you love is divorcing and you aren't sure how to support or help from afar


Woke up this morning to see a few texts that had came through my phone last night while I was sleeping.  They were from my Uncle, who is a night owl and when he texts or calls me it's never before midnight... and always around 2:00 am.

Sure enough, a short series of texts at 2:44 am asked me if I had heard (through my Mother I'm guessing) that his wife had filed divorce papers on him two weeks ago.

No.
I hadn't heard.

This wasn't exactly unexpected, but yet, it was.

This Uncle isn't probably what you think of when you think 'Uncle'.

He is the baby of their family - the youngest sibling - and he is only 8 years older than I am.  So growing up he was more like a big brother than an Uncle.  We have completely different lives, live 1000 miles away from each other and keep in touch mostly at Birthdays and Christmas but there's a connection there and while I'm happy he reached out to me, I'm not sure how to process what he's told me and most of all, I'm not sure how to help.  How to be there for him.

They've lived single but in the same house for years already, as neither could afford to live singly.  Probably 10-12 years of unhappiness.  They stayed together for that but lived separate in the same little house, and rarely talked.  Split the bills. Had separate bedrooms.  Sure, it was bound to happen and makes sense, but it seems as though it was still pretty unexpected for him. 

She has a lot of support as she has a lot of family in the area where they live.  My Uncle doesn't really have anyone at all anymore.  Two handicapped adult siblings in care facilities nearby that he oversees and helps with and one sister who lives about 5 hours away (my Mother).  Everyone else close to him has passed away.  Hopefully his best friend and his wife will be the support (and advice) he needs.

Man... divorce sucks.
And I am not sure what to say or do right now to help.