1.31.2020

Rambling Over Coffee: Anxiety - I'm in good company! I over think everything.




Seeing this posted on the internet makes me smirk... but also makes me feel better to know there are others just like me.  Oh, I knew this already.  But I do like when you can go to the internet at any time, and find out that absolutely nothing you are experiencing is 'new' and there are others that are exactly, just like you.

So overthinking things... which I always do! Is the norm.
And overthinking things at 2:am is the norm for many.  We should all meet for coffee at 2:am!  Ha ha.

I overthink everything.

For me it's not just needing to solve the world's problems myself while I lay wide awake in my bed staring at the ceiling from 2:00 - 5:00 am.

No, for me, every little decision is pondered over, because I don't have that 'settled' feeling unless... well, unless I do.  I have to feel ok with the decision, even when it's something insignificant.

I overthink everything.

Conversations with people are replayed in my head a hundred times after the fact.  I overthink what I did, what I wore, what I should have said or done differently. I beat myself up for things I think in retrospect were stupid or silly when in fact, I highly doubt any of the people I interacted with are giving it a second thought.

Yesterdays little 'overthinking' moment was when I was about 30 minutes away from my home and I got a motion alert notification from our home security cameras.  I heard a random notification come in, but it could be for anything, so I didn't remember to check my phone for about 15 minutes.  When I did, expecting to see... nothing, I saw a sheriff's vehicle in my driveway and an image of a sheriff's deputy walking up to one of our entry doors.



Hmmm.  No one called me.  So obviously it must have been nothing, right?  But... why was there a sheriff's deputy at my house?

Oh the plethora of things that instantly flooded my brain!  Ha ha.

I knew I wouldn't be able to relax, so I headed home to check on the situation.
I had 30 minutes of driving to overthink this.

  • Did our alarm go off?  No... I never got a call from the security company.
  • Did he want to ask permission to sit in the driveway to watch for speeders on our road?
  • Did someone complain about our dogs (inside the house) barking? Unlikely, no one can hear them unless they are at our front door.
  • What if there were break-ins in the neighborhood this afternoon and they were investigating and coming to ask if I saw anything?
  • Was my family ok!?  Oh my gosh, what if something happened to one of my kids!
  • I had texted my husband so he was fine and at work.  I was with our youngest daughter so she was fine.
  • Was it our son!?  He was currently on a cross-country road trip with 2 friends. What if something happened to him!?  What if there was an accident and it was... bad... and they had to send someone to our home to tell us!?
  • What if they had a complaint about a driving infraction and were investigating it?  I had ran errands that morning and there was a police vehicle behind me, but I did nothing wrong and they never pulled me over so why would send someone to the house now?
  • What if....
  • What if...
  • What... if....
Yeah.
That's my brain.

When I got home there was no note on the door.
When I opened the basement door, I heard the alarm start to beep the regular alert, waiting to be shut off...
But wait, what was that?  Ohhhhhhh.
That darn window!
Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep...  I could hear it in the background of the 'regular' alarm.

One of our kitchen windows has been persnickety lately.  They are floor to ceiling windows and the dogs sometimes go crazy barking at cats or deer that wander through the yard.  They knock the little security connector 'just enough' to cause a slight disruption and it gives an incredibly fast-paced warning beep to let you know to check the window connection.

The faulty window alarm was going off... due to my stupid dogs again.
And I wasn't home to hear it.
But... the alarm company hadn't called either of my two cell phones, nor my daughter nor my husband (although knowing him he would probably have a 'duh' moment and ignore it so that is why he was number 3 or 4 on the contact list...)

They called the home number and left a message.  A really young sounding (and completely bored and full of attitude) sounding employee MUMBLED into the phone just enough so I could understand

"oweonwje  security  jwejrowejrfowe  alarm lwijowefnwoe road lnfwoenaonewa if you have any questions pwjwfjeo  833 wolsfndkifan...." 

Click.

Couldn't understand a damn thing she mumbled and had her mouth so far away from her mouthpiece, even with the volume turned up to high I couldn't hear her.  So...worthless, but it told me enough to know it was the security company calling about our address.

BINGO.

False alarm.  Due to a faulty window connection.


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