Boys Want Sex in the Morning and Penis Envy.... penis on the brain? Nope. Uncle Bonsai on the Brain!

Typically I ramble over coffee in the morning.  It's not morning - it's actually about 5:00 pm - but I do have 3 very strong, hot cups of coffee in me and I'm in between tasks with about 30 minutes free so here I am.  And what is on my mind this afternoon?

The 80's.

I was an 80's kid and by the late 80's I was a teenager and driving my little 1982 Datsun 210 Sport back and forth to my boyfriends house, who lived about 20 miles away.  My curfew on the weekends was midnight so many nights were spent doing a solo drive home with just the radio to keep me company unless I wanted to play one of my cassette tapes - which I often did - and Samantha Fox, OMD and Prince Purple Rain were played often, but there was also late night radio... when the Dr. Demento Show came on!

I'm going to guesstimate that I discovered Dr. Demento on late night radio when I was about 13 or 14.  One of the first songs I remember was Fish Heads, which I still find myself singing once or twice a year at random times, as it just pops into my head.  He also introduced me to Weird Al's music.  I recall finding him on the radio as I would be home from a babysitting job on Friday or Saturday night and laying in bed, trying to fall asleep.  Remember kids, back then we didn't MP3 players, ipods, iphones or CD players.  We had... the radio. 

I would wait all week for late night weekends so I could try to find the Dr. Demento Show on my radio.  Often times, it was so full of static, I could barely hear him or the music, and often had to walk around my bedroom with my radio, trying to find a better place to get reception.  Once I hit that sweet spot, I'd lay in bed and listen to all the music that no radio would dare to play during the day.  Or dare to play in general, because if you are a fan of Dr. Demento and know his play lists... they aren't daytime office kind of music.  But oh, they were my kind of music!

One night, I'm guessing around 1987 but it might have been 1988, I was driving home, tuned into the Dr. Demento Show and heard, through awful static, a song being played that was singing the words "... boys want sex in the morning..."

What!??  Believe me, for the 80's this was pretty surprising to hear on the radio.  Or in a song at all!

Boys want
Sex in the morning
Sex in the morning
When I'm still not fresh
Boys want
Something that strikes them
Someone who likes them
Fondling their flesh
Boys want
Someone to take and
Someone to break and
Comment on their size
Boys want
Someone to prod and
Someone who'll nod
And then just close her eyes
I tried to remember most of the lyrics as I heard them, but ultimately, I only remembered the chorus and few of the lines; but it stuck in my head and I thought it was awesome and hilarious.  So much so, that I recall telling my best friend, James, about it in the hallway of school on Monday.

You can find that one here: Boys Want Sex in the Morning  - but this post isn't about that one.  It's actually just an intro to what this post is really about - which is how that was my first introduction to the band UNCLE BONSAI.  Even saying their name, takes me back to the 80's and makes me smile.

I soon became a fan of Uncle Bonsai and Weird Al - listening for their songs in particular any time I could tune into the Dr. Demento Show.  Ahhh the memories.


Life got busy with marriage and kids and I forgot about them for a few years as Raffi and other Wee Sing Silly Songs took over my life.  But then...  I found myself again and found myself remembering some of the songs I used to love, including Boys Want Sex in the Morning and Penis Envy.

I love the song Penis Envy - although no one else in my family shares my affinity for it.  The funny (not funny, but funny) thing about it is that I absolutely don't BELIEVE in penis envy.  I would have to say I have thoughts more towards "penis condolences" than envy and get a little irate at any psycho-babble saying all females wish they were men or wish they had a penis.

Ummm, no.  I love being a girl. I grew up with a lot of penises in our family (I'm the only girl in a family full of boys) and I've never, not once, ever wished I had a penis.  But I do love the song!

The Inessential Uncle Bonsai

Penis Envy

If I had a penis, I'd wear it outside.
In cafes and car lots, with pomp and with pride.
If I had a penis, I'd pamper it proper.
I'd stay in the tub, and use me as a stopper.

If I had a penis, I'd take it to parties.
Stretch it and stroke it, and shove it at smarties.
I'd take it to pet shows, and teach it to stay.
I'd stuff it in turkeys on Thanksgiving Day!

I'd rival my buddies, in sports cars and stick shifts.
I'd shower my spire, with girlies and gifts.
I'd peek around corners, I'd aim at my toilet.
I'd poke it at foreigners, I'd soap it and oil it.

If I had a penis, I'd run to my mother.
Comb out the hair and compare it to brother.
I'd lance her, I'd knight her.
My hands would indulge.
Pants would seem tighter, and buckle and bulge!

A penis to plunder.
A penis to push.
'Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me.
A penis to share.
To pick up and play with when nobody's there!

I'd sit like a boy, I'd straddle the chair.
I'd play with my fly, albeit with care.
I'd dip it in chocolate, I'd stick it in sockets.
I'd stroll to the movies with hands deep in pockets.

I'd stick in vacuums on vacant verandas.
Gas guzzling Volvos and poodles and pandas.
In puddles and drainpipes,
In doggies and ditches,
Pool halls and potholes,
And bottles and bitches.
Zucchinis and zebras,
Tomatoes, tomatoes,
In pineapples, pumpkins,
And gulches and grottos,
In melons and marshmallows!

Gloves and gorillas.
Slurpies and slippers.
Chinooks and chinchillas.

A penis to plunder,
A penis to push!
'Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush.
A penis to love me,
A penis to share.
To pick up and play with when nobody's there.

If I had a penis, I'd climb every mountain.
I'd force it on females, I'd pee like a fountain,
If I had a penis, I'd still be a girl...
But I'd make much more money and conquer the world.

You might also be interested in these Uncle Bonsai songs and albums available through Amazon....

Boys Want Sex in the Morning
Plain Brown Wrapper: Unreleased Songs 1984-1989
The Family Feast: The Study of the Human Condition, First World Problems, and the Lasting Physiological and Psychological Effects of Eating Our Young
The Grim Parade


6:45 pm...  that awkward time of night when you are sooooo tired;  you'd really like a cup hot, strong, black coffee but you aren't sure if you should give in or just hold out and go to bed early tonight.


Review: New England Original Cooper's Cask Coffee - Rye Whiskey, Malt Whiskey, Rum... COFFEE

My husband received a coffee theme gift for his birthday this week - which I was happy to see, as that meant I got to enjoy it as well!  The gift was a 3 pack of cask coffee from Cooper's Cask Coffee in Rhode Island.  Since this post is not sponsored in any way, I can say whatever I want about their coffee - and guess what?  I loved it.  So did my husband.

Now, I'm not normally a fan of flavored coffee (and if you are a regular reader, you know this).  I like my coffee strong, hot and black.  Currently I'm on a long running Sumatra kick - brewed in k-cups at 6 oz.  Sometimes at 4 ounce.  Yes, I like my coffee strong.

In the Gift Box you get 3 - 4 oz. bags (we received whole bean which I'm thrilled about, I'll tell you why below).

For the product description and tasting notes I'm going to take it straight from their site as they describe it far better than I could....


  • Barrel Aged: Uprising (Son’s of Liberty Whiskey): Stout style American whiskey
  • Coffee Beans: Sumatra Lintong
  • Tasting Notes:  Woody Earth, tobacco, tropical fruits, vanilla, caramel
  • The Sumatra coffee bean is from the sub-region of Lintong and was chosen because of the complementary tasting notes of woody earth and mild sweet tobacco, with a hint of ripe tropical fruits.  When aged in whiskey barrels, the flavor and aroma of the bean is enhanced with the sweetness of vanilla and caramel from the whiskey.  When tasted, you get the enriched coffee experience with a very long whiskey finish.  Excellent as an espresso.

  • Barrel Aged: Battle Cry (Son’s of Liberty Whiskey) Rye American whiskey
  • Coffee Beans: Ethiopian Dry Processed
  • Tasting Notes:  Bright and clean cup with a slight acidic spice, fruited notes of peach jam and strawberries, touch of sweetness of red raw honey and dutch chocolate
  • This coffee uses the dry process by means of drying out the cherries under the sun on raised beds instead of the traditional wet processed (cherries stripped off after picking).  The dry process intensifies the flavor of the cherry directly into the coffee bean. The flavor profile has a very bright and clean cup with accents of peaches, strawberries, raw red honey, and a touch of dutch chocolate. The Battle Cry whiskey is distilled from a Belgium yeast style beer with grains of malted rye and honey malt.  The whiskey complements the coffee with bright spicy flavors and an intense floral nose that is slightly sweet.  Enjoy the intense aromas and the complex flavors of this barrel aged coffee!

  • Barrel Aged: Thomas Tew Rum Barrel from Newport, RI
  • Coffee Beans:  Rwanda Single Origin
  • Tasting Notes:  Caramelized sugar, red raisins, molasses, rich cocoa, baking spices, vanilla and oak
  • The perfect pairing of the natural dark toffee and molasses of the coffee with the caramel sweetness and slight spiciness of the rum.  You will find this coffee to be incredibly smooth.  The aroma after a fresh grind gives way to an amazing caramelized sugar and all-spice with a hint of golden raisins.  The flavors in the brewed cup continues but deepens into a rich cocoa complexity with notes of spice, vanilla, and oak come into play.  An espresso shot intensifies the sweet toffee and spice with a rich cocoa and oak structure.

Looking at just these three (they do sell more flavors and styles but I can't personally speak to those as I haven't tried them), I chose the Single Malt Whiskey Barrel.  

The roast is medium dark, and the taste is more woody, tobacco than heavy on the fruit - which I am NOT a fan of 'sweet' so from the description and smell, I chose this one.  It was only after I brewed my first cup that I looked at the bag more closely and saw it was made with SUMATRA ISLAND origin beans.  No wonder I liked it! My favorite beans were used as well.

One of the reasons I hate flavored coffee in general is the flavoring is fake, chemically tasting and usually 'off'.  This had none of that.  These coffee beans start with a quality bean, and are aged in whiskey barrels.  This gives them a better flavor than other companies just dousing the beans with some flavored oils.

We received whole beans - and I'm thankful for that.  To get the best flavor, you need to freshly grind your beans right before brewing.  Pre-ground coffee has already started to lose some of that burst of aroma, flavor and magic.  I ground the beans, used a Reusable K Cups For Keurig  for my single cup k-cup style brewer (not a Keurig but a similar brand no longer made called iCoffee.

I brewed the first cup at 6 ounces.  It was... very good.  The flavor of the whiskey was not a fake chemical flavor. It was more of a strong hint but let the coffee shine through.  This was a huge positive in my book.  Also, I don't eat sugar and haven't for years so things are overly sweet to me and I can taste sweetness in foods and beverages that is sometimes overwhelming to me although the average person can't taste it as they are acclimated to sugar.  This coffee was just 'almost' too sweet to me (yes I drink it black, no sweeteners added).  But the average person probably will not taste the sweetness.

My husband brewed a 6 ounce size first (he's come over to the 'dark side' of coffee with me in the last year or two!  Yay!) and then he brewed it at 4 ounces to see if the flavor strength would change.  It was a stronger coffee, yes, but the flavor/hint of the whiskey stayed true.

I give a THUMBS UP to the Single Malt Whiskey blend by Cooper's.  Absolutely, without hesitation... I even posted it on my personal Snapchat to let others know it was worth trying.  However I know I will NOT be trying the Rum version.  I personally don't like the flavor or smell of rum.  It's too sweet for me, I don't like the actual taste of alcohol and even the smell of rum is enough to turn my stomach so... no.  I may try the other whiskey in the set, however by aroma alone, it smells a little lighter and more sweet and fruity than the single malt.  Since I don't like sweet or fruity, I think I'll stick to the single malt whiskey version and leave the other two bags for my husband.

It was his birthday gift after all.....   ha.

Related products available through Amazon....

  Whiskey & Rum Barrel Aged Coffee Whole Bean Box Set, 3 Bags Gift Box Set, Coffee Sampler Set - Single Origin Sumatra Whiskey, Ethiopian Rye, Rwanda Rum Roasted Coffee Beans, 12oz Total

   Wine Barrel Aged Whole Coffee Bean Box Set, Sample Gift Set - Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon Barrel Aged Coffee, 3x 4oz Bags Box Set, 100% Guaranteed

  Bourbon Barrel Aged K-cups Coffee, 12 ct Bourbon K-cup Box Set - Grade 1 Single Origin Colombian Coffee Aged Bourbon Barrels, 12count

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